Saturday, April 2, 2011

A Year of a Difference

The first 20 years of my life, I was an athlete. I had so much pride in my strength and athleticism. I defined myself by how successful I was in athletics. Whenever I would be having a hard time in life, I would just put all my focus on whatever sport I was involved in at the time and become the best at that sport, because it was the only thing that I felt I had control over. I loved being the best and being strong. I honestly believed that the reason that some people loved me was because I was successful in different athletic events. Then...randomly out of nowhere, I tore a tendon in my ankle. Almost exactly a year ago, I got the surgery that gave me this scar:

My world was completely shattered. I didn't know who I was anymore or how to be happy. I had a reeeaaalllly hard time recovering after this particular surgery, because it was a loooong recovery process. My doctor said that I wouldn't feel "normal" for at least a year and I would probably never be as fast as I was before the surgery. I would lose my "edge". My reaction time got slower, I couldn't run as fast or long, and I was no longer competitive with the best athletes. This was really hard for me. I didn't know how to love myself anymore, because the reason I loved myself before was because of the success I had in athletics.

Well, It's been a year now.

This week, I ran 30 miles. And it is a completely different ball game. Now, I run because I love it. I run because it is something that I like to do, but it is in no way who I am or my source of self esteem. I run because I can feel strong and healthy. I run because I am able to. I run because it is my way of allowing my body to reach goals that seem impossible. The reasons I run are completely different now, and it actually makes me a better runner.

It is crazy how much of a difference a year can make. I am so grateful for the trial that I went through a year ago getting ankle surgery. It allowed me to change from the inside out and it has made me so much more grateful for my body as a gift from my heavenly father. It's amazing how much you can learn through different trials and how much god can shape you if you will humble yourself and allow trials to be opportunities to learn and grow and make big changes in your life. So I know this post is just rambling and preaching my own personal beliefs, but once I completed my 30 mile goal this week, I just felt so empowered and grateful to be in the position that I am in now and how blessed I have been by my father in heaven to allow me to grow this past year. That is all.


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