Coaching teaches you SO much. I never realized this, because I always just believed that my coaches were perfect and knew everything they were talking about. This is not the case. Coaching makes you look inside A LOT. What kind of coach do I want to be? The tough kind that nobody likes, the yelling kind, the quiet kind that gets taken advantage of, or the kind that can really get through to the girls and talk them through things. I honestly don't know what kind I am. I am tough and yell at the girls a lot, but I also try to step back and really teach them. I try to show them exactly what I mean, and help them through, then praise them for doing well.
I really want to try and build confidence. Some of the best coaches I had, were the toughest...yet they believed in me and built me up rather than tore me down. The trick is...people are motivated differently. I could yell at one girl ALL day and that's what she needed to be better. Another girl needed to be shown what I meant and talked through it. Another girl just needed praise the whole time. You can't just coach one way and hope that you have a good, well rounded team...because there is no way that you can.
It has been really tough for me to go out in the leader position and feel confident enough in myself to help the girls. Coaches question themselves all the time. We have to act like we know what we are talking about, and stick with what we tell them. They believe that we know what is best for them...so we have to make quick decisions and go with it. These girls trust my knowledge, even though I am second guessing myself all the time.
I see things from a totally different perspective now than I did when I was a player. I really want to be able to motivate and teach these girls and there really isn't a minute when I am not thinking about one of them. It truly is probably the most selfless I have ever been. I learn more and more everyday and I really think that I might be growing as a coach more than they grow as players sometimes. I have totally been out of my comfort zone this week, but everyday I feel more and more comfortable and confident in myself. I feel like I have really learned to understand how people deserve to be treated and communicated with. Everyone needs someone, and I need to be that someone for people. Stop thinking about myself and go to work. Whether it's to be there for my family, roommates, friends, or the girls I coach.
Anyways....those were super random thoughts that probably sounded better in my head. But there you have it. Time to lay down again.