Today, my Therapist told me something that has invoked quite a bit of thought on my end.
She told me that addiction is a spiritual destroying disease, therefore recovery is a spiritual builiding journey.
Throughout 2013, I remember thinking constantly that I was dead inside. Going to a psychiatric hospital in January of 2013 broke me spiritually. There are still so many feelings I have about that experience. It was very traumatic to say the least. After that, I felt that God was dead. God didn't exist, and if he did, he didn't love me. My spirit was completely broken and I didn't know how to gain that part of me back.
I have always felt that even if I am not a super religious person, it's still very important to involve God and spirituality into my life. A year ago, I had no spirituality at all. As I have healed from the inside out, I have learned what spirituality means for me. Spirituality means assigning meaning to life. It is what gives us purpose. That can come in many forms, but I believe the greatest lesson that I can learn from this spiritually defining experience is that everything that we experience has meaning. I can assign meaning to even the simplest things in life, and that allows my spirit to grow and change and evolve as I change. I am going to work on building my spirituality as I continue down my sober journey.
It's amazing how much this experience has defined and changed me. A year ago, I honestly never thought I would be happy. I thought God was dead. I was completely lost. As I have healed and changed, I honestly can't imagine going through this life without meaning or believing in a higher power to help heal me. I never want to be destroyed by addiction ever again. I never want to feel that low. I believe the best way to ensure that I don't wind up down that path again is by building my spiritual side and living a life of faith and meaning, whatever that looks like for me.