People always want to know how my love life is going. Well, lately I have responded by telling people that I am on "Sabbatical" from dating and relationships.
I believe that the first year that someone becomes sober is a time when relationships should be put on the back burner. The first year of recovery is an opportunity for someone to really work on themselves and fine tune their lives. I feel very fortunate to be in recovery and give myself the time and attention that I need to heal my mind, body, and spirit. When someone is in the "dark days" of their addiction, their mind, body, and spirit are severely wounded. Being in recovery has allowed me to really take a look at myself and the core beliefs that I have about myself and really work on those things. The first year of recovery is hard enough, and if I threw a relationship on top of that, I would be in a very vulnerable place to relapse.
I strongly believe that love and relationships will come when the time is right. I don't believe the first year of recovery is the right time. I need to make sure that I am okay with myself, before putting myself in a vulnerable place with another person. Relationships complicate life, and I believe a person really needs to work on their own issues before adding another person to the mix. I feel like this will make my future relationships so much better.
When I first got sober, my therapist told me something that I strongly believe today. She told me that everyone, in their adult life, needs to learn how to be alone. I used to be terrified of being alone. I thought that being in a relationship was the only way to be happy. I was DEAD WRONG. Now, 7 months later, I can sit in silence with myself and be okay. I have learned to love myself. I have learned what I want and don't want in my life. I have learned what I want in a future companion. I have learned how to be okay in my own head. These are all lessons that I feel someone should learn before adding another human being into their life.
Love will come. A family will come. But the best way to insure a happy future with a companion is by making sure that I am strong on my own without any one else. I need to create the life that I want for myself, and when the time is right, another person will fit into that life that I have already created.