By the end of the summer, my back was completely messed up. I went to a neurologist, acupuncturist, pain specialist, chiropractor, and massage therapist and nobody could seem to manage my pain. To me, this meant I had a free pass to take all different kinds of medications.
I finally got an MRI of my back and neck that revealed how screwed up it structurally was. This was my golden ticket. I could now show any doctor these results and pretty much get whatever medications I desired. So I did.
Also during this time, I was working on my house which was a huge project. Addictions flare up during stressful times if the stress isn't managed properly. I wasn't taking care of myself, which basically is a free invitation for my addiction to come in and take over. Once my house was finished and I moved in, I had my very scary overdose. After this happened, my therapist was BEGGING for me to check myself into rehab. I said absolutely not- I have too much to lose with my job, house, etc.
Two weeks later, I relapsed again. I took 15 fioricet & 15 soma one Monday afternoon. By this point, I really had no choice but to consider getting some help. I was extremely reluctant about getting treatment and came up with every excuse possible. I was so angry at my loved ones for pushing me in this direction. Going to rehab meant that I was yet again a failure.
Since I was too prideful to check into a full residential program, I agreed to do outpatient treatment, which meant I still had some freedom and could still go to work in the evenings. I decided to go to rehab for everybody else. I didn't want my addiction to end and I didn't believe I was capable of staying sober. I lasted about a week in out patient before I would relapse yet again.
Yeah, when you relapse WHILE getting treatment, you know you have a scary ugly addiction. Even the admissions director at Turning Point (my rehab) said that my impulse control was extremely weak and it would take probably 90 days of residential treatment to get better.
To be continued...
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