Tuesday, January 14, 2014

The Really Scary Overdose

Being a drug addict, there are many scary and unpredictable times. I have overdosed dozens of times over the years. I have been hospitalized or taken to the ER probably about 10 times for overdoses, and definitely should have gone to the hospital even more than that. None of that scared me. I had no fear of death. Sometimes, I even secretly wished it upon myself. 

Until the scary weekend happened. 

This last October, I literally did actually die. 

It all started on a Wednesday. I started to get sick, which was no surprise since I had been spending all my time at work and then working on my house. When I finally moved into my house, my body was exhausted. So, I took a few Xanex to sleep and took the day off. A few Xanex turned into 30 in one day. But I didn't stop there. 

The next day, I took 15 Soma and 10 Fioricet. 

The day after that, I took 30 ambien. 

Throughout those few days, I took a total of 60 Zanaflex. 

I completely lost it. 

I woke up that Sunday night with NO IDEA what had just happened the past few days. My phone was cracked, my tire looked like it hit a curb pretty hard, and I had bruises and cuts all down my legs. I just started bawling. Then, a voice in my head said "Listen to Elder Holland's talk". I watched it. Bawled the next two days thinking about it. I wrote Elder Holland and told him about my situation. When I got back from rehab, I had a letter in my mail pile he wrote me. Super rad. 

Then it came to me. I vividly remember my heart stopping. I remember floating up onto my ceiling and seeing my body laying in my bed. I remember seeing and talking to my brother-in-law Byron. He was very clear with me. My time isn't up. I have a very specific and important purpose on this earth. People need me. 

That's when I began to hate my addiction more than I loved it. It was holding me back from my infinite potential and purpose. It was time to get help. 

Thinking back on this experience still gives me the chills. I can't believe how much I took. I can't believe I remember my heart stopping. I can't believe I woke up without any physical side effects of all the drugs in my body. I am also very grateful. Grateful for the sense of purpose I feel. Grateful to understand my life with an eternal perspective more than ever before. 

I am so glad those dark days are over and I get my life back. 

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