Let's fast forward to my current recovery.
Recovery is HARD.
When you leave treatment, you aren't fixed.
I like to think rehab as getting surgery.
Basically brain surgery.
I have the tools to be a recovering addict. But I have to work at it every single day. It's like doing physical therapy for the next few months after surgery to fully recover. I have honestly been physically sick for two months as my body has adjusted without drugs. Detoxing SUCKS.
It's still really hard to stay sober and to deal with stress in new ways besides falling back to the default of drugs.
It's SO worth it though.
I can't wait to see myself in a year when my brain is recovered. It really takes a lot of sleep, doing positive activities, going to therapy, etc.
When I left rehab, I thought it would be so easy to just start over. It's not like that at all. There are some REALLY good days. And some REALLY bad days. I am trying to change all of my old habits by replacing them with new ones.
All of your love and support during this journey means SO much. I have never wanted to succeed at something more in my entire life.
Last night as I was driving, this came to my mind: "Life isn't about never failing, it's about RISING.
I will RISE.