Sunday, January 26, 2014

Finding Meaning in the Suffering

Over the past month as I have shared about my addiction with people, I sometimes get caught up telling "war stories" of my war with addiction. By "war stories", I mean I glorify or downplay certain aspects or times of my addiction. I have decided to share with you the truth about the suffering, as well as the meaning that I have found in the suffering. 

Truth About Suffering: 

Truth is...this addiction has been the hardest challenge of my entire life. It is something that I have to be aware of and cautious of every single day. 

Truth is...I suffered to the point of not even wanting to live on the face of this earth, because this challenge was so great. 

Truth is...I have never been more lost in my entire life. I lost sight of who I was, what I wanted to be, where I was going...etc. 

Truth About Meaning: 

Truth is...the first time I went running when I was in rehab was the best run I have ever been on. I could feel the miracle of the air coming into my lungs to give my body what it needed to accomplish the task of running. I felt my feet pounding on the gym floor, and it seriously felt amazing. The little things in my life began to become the big things. 

Truth is...I see my worth completely differently. I know my worth enough to not allow myself to be treated poorly or lied to. I see my worth enough to not hold onto relationships that have become completely one-sided. My worth is a divine worth. My Heavenly Father truly loves me unconditionally and has forgiven me. Such a miracle. 

Truth is...I set my sights differently. If I chose to focus on my past, I will forever be stuck in my past. If I choose to worry so far into the future, I will be a basket case of worry all the time. I choose to live in the right now. I choose to be happy where I am at, while things begin to fall into place. 

Truth is...I live with a grateful heart every single day. I am so grateful for my life and my struggle. I have found so much meaning in this struggle. Once I was able to see the changes in me and identify the meaning for my struggling, I was able to move past the struggling. 

Truth is...I had a very strong addiction that nearly destroyed me, but fortunately it didn't and I get a second chance. I will never take life for granted again. I am here for a reason. How amazing is it that my purpose goes beyond just my job and buying nice things. My purpose is much bigger than myself. My purpose will be fulfilled one day, but for now, I will enjoy life by spending it with positive people doing positive things. 

Again, thank you all for all of the phone calls, comments, texts, notes, etc. It means the world. I feel like I am fighting this war with an entire army behind me. 

1 comment:

  1. I love reading these and hearing your perspective... and I just love you!