Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Close Call

Today, I almost relapsed. 

Then, I remembered that I didn't want to go down that road. 

Since I got robbed about a month ago, I have found myself feeling pretty bummed out a lot. I also have noticed that I have kind of cut myself off from people in general. I find myself alone quite a bit and not really caring or wanting to be around others. 

I don't really know why, but it has definitely had an effect on me. 

This past week, I have noticed that I have been really withdrawn, just want to sleep, and can't think about anything except drugs. I even have read up on different drugs online and watched documentaries about drugs on Netflix. My passion for my sobriety has somewhat diminished and I just stopped caring. I let my guard down and even told my therapist that every night before I go to bed, I plan out how I am going to get drugs the next day. Typically, I will wake up the next day and realize that I don't want to compromise my sobriety and would never do that. 

Today was different. Today I couldn't shake the cravings. I couldn't get rid of the desire. By noon, I wanted them BAD. I had just dealt with a difficult client and wanted to escape. I made a phone call, and picked up some muscle relaxers at the pharmacy an hour later. 

I got the meds and just took the prescribed dose. I figured I could just take them as prescribed and do it in secret. Then, I began to feel the effects of the medicine and realized this wasn't what I wanted at all. I immediately called my therapist. Luckily, she was available and I could take the medication to her to destroy and she talked me through the intense cravings. Then, we called my Dr and told him that I couldn't get prescribed that medication again. Then, called Walgreens and cancelled the remaining 2 refills on that prescription. 

I am safe. 

I am so grateful for my therapist. I am even more grateful that I was able to do what was necessary to keep myself safe from my addiction. Sometimes, telling on your addiction can be hard but it will ALWAYS be worth it. 

Another day down. Whew. 

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