Monday, October 11, 2010

Ton of Bricks

In ten days, it will be the 5 year mark of Byron's death. Today that hit me like the BIGGEST ton of bricks. When someone you love dies, you live very much day by day. That never changes (at least for the past five years). You will go days holding it together and just being grateful that you got to have them in your life. Then you will have a huge breakdown and just want to be sad and can't hold yourself together no matter how hard you try. Today is one of those days. Although they aren't as frequent now, it still happens and there isn't a dang thing you can do about it! You just miss them and wish they were around to talk to and feel their love. I used to get frustrated, because it seemed like I should be over it, but I have realized that the death of a loved one is something that you never get over. I will always miss Byron and always wish he was around. I will always see him in Kali and tell stories about the crazy things I would do with "Daddy Byron". Although this time of year is really hard, I am so grateful for his life and death and everything that I have learned from it. Although there are hard days, I feel like I have become a better person in spite of all of it. At the funeral, Byron's dad talked about not getting "stuck" in his death. Although there are days like these when all I can do is think about him and miss him, for the most part I have tried to live by that. I have tried to live in a way that would honor Byron and make him proud. I hope that when I get to see him again, I won't be ashamed of anything I have done or have to tell him that I could not carry on after he died because it was too hard. I hope that I can say that I really truly have LIVED and LOVED and done the things that Byron always wanted me to do. Anyways, Miss ya Byron. Hope you are having a lot of success on your heavenly mission!

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