Wednesday, February 12, 2014

A Mormon Addict

This subject is something that many of you readers have talked to me about. Being a Mormon and being an Addict at the same time.  

First of all, this is a very common silent epidemic that really needs to gain a voice within society and every religion. 

Second of all, it is a living hell. 

My experience is something that I believe happens to many people. You have a medical condition and you are given highly addictive medications to mask whatever condition you have.

 In my case, I was given 120 fioricet (my drug of choice) a month, meaning I took 4 a day starting in December 2012. Well, I took this dose as prescribed for 4 months. After 4 months, I found myself obsessing over this medication. I wanted more and more as time went on. After awhile, I couldn't "feel normal" without taking fioricet. If you talked to me between January 2013-May 2013, I was most likely high on my prescribed dose of fioricet and don't remember talking to you. 

So it wasn't like I knowingly began taking this highly addictive medication as an addict who was seeking a new drug. I became an addict of this medication by taking it as prescribed. Sure, I had taken pills recreationally over the past few years, but it was NOTHING like this addiction to fioricet. This was a whole different animal.

So what was I supposed to do? I did what I was taught and avoided the presence of evil such as: street drugs, coffee, smoking, sex, etc as a member of the LDS church- yet I became an addict. 

So now what? 

This was my prayer for months: "God please take this away, I will do anything to make this go away..." I prayed the hardest I have ever prayed in my life and it wouldn't go away. I still wanted it all day every day. 

Then, I began to feel like a failure. Like I had failed God and myself. That's when I began to distance myself from the church. I didn't belong anymore. I had become addicted to prescription drugs and didn't belong in the church anymore. 

This is the problem. There is such a negative connotation towards addicts and mental health issues in the church that are unknowingly shaming people who have these issues and making them hide behind their problems, rather than getting help. 

Why aren't there more discussions about this? Why isn't there more love and understanding towards these struggles? I think there needs to be more education and understanding within society and religion to allow people with these issues to get help.

To Be Continued... 

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