Every now and again I stray
away from the “my life is so perfect and I am so happy” type of blog, and I
blog about very raw and deep feelings. I know I am not the most eloquent writer
or best at articulating feelings, but I try to connect with whomever reads this
blog and show people that it’s okay to not have it all together and it’s okay
to feel whatever you might feel. Vulnerability is something I am still learning
to embrace, rather than run away from. This blog has many purposes, and one of
the purposes is to connect with people. Relate to people. Show people who feel
like they are struggling alone, that they aren’t alone at all. Everyone has
their share of challenges and struggles, but we rarely ever know what someone
is really going through.
I am only 23 years old. I am
by no means an expert in life. The older I get, the more I realize that I don’t
know. The more my weaknesses are revealed to me (which frustrates the crap out
of me by the way).
I am young, but in my 23 years,
I think I have experienced quite of bit of life’s challenges. I have
experienced the death of a loved one, seen the affects of addictions on
families and individuals, experienced heart break, been suicidal, been lonely,
had depression, felt failure, felt loss, have seen glimpses of basically
hell on earth, and there are times when I have wanted to just say “to hell with it all” and give up. I
think we all have, even that person you have always thought had the perfect
life and had it all together.
My junior year of high school
was the worst year of my life. When I think about my struggles and challenges I
am facing right now, they seem like “It’s a Small World” compared to the “Tower
of Terror” that my junior year was. It was so bad that it actually took me
about 5 years to accept the past for what it was and move forward. I will never
be who I was 7 years ago, but that’s the point.
We struggle and have trials
to learn. When I think about who I want to become and perhaps who I am supposed
to become, the only way I know how to get there is through trials and
struggles. I came to this earth as a plain
brick ready to be carved and molded and changed into the precise tool that God
has intended me to become for him. I didn’t come to earth with all the answers,
and I probably never will have all the answers, but I think the fact that I can
recognize that the only way I can be who God wants me to be is through being
tried and tested is at least a start.
We all have struggles, and
whether they are big or small, I think there is something to be said about
liberally loving your fellow man. There is enough crap going on in people’s
lives without the added crap that is put on them by the lack of love they
experience, perhaps even hate or rejection. Why are we so scared to openly and
unconditionally love each other? Wouldn’t it be amazing if we all were told how
much we mattered more often? I think sometimes we all get stuck in our own
trials and struggles and somewhat have this mindset that nobody else is
struggling but us, or at least not as bad as us. The actual truth is that we
are all going through something, otherwise what is the point of this life?
Let’s love a little bit more.
Let’s serve each other more. Let’s lighten someone’s burden a little bit by
showing that we love and care about them. You never know who is watching you or
when you might absentmindedly be the answer to someone’s desperate prayers.
After my junior year, I finally got an answer. I was finally given a friend who
literally saved my life. Without their unconditional love and acceptance, I am
absolutely convinced I wouldn’t be alive today. They had no idea that they were
an answer to my very desperate prayers. They probably never will. But ever
since then, I have learned the importance of having people like that around.
The importance of openly and unconditionally loving each other might be of life
and death importance.
Tell people you love them
more often. Better yet, show them that you do.
