tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34889193775258000922024-03-05T12:02:30.221-08:00Life in the Sexy LaneThe life and adventures of Kelli Julia YoungKelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.comBlogger503125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-55417539684566167882016-04-14T20:21:00.000-07:002016-04-14T20:21:05.172-07:00Leaving the Mortgage World Behind<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilBY5nSyL2lS6R78S-UJehECeO_wdCcaYo7hz6DYi18_-m_2mvmQJcwGFlqRWK6lVyn08sXCbH5eOOOF-rMYXsmE9bXJ-jWawtoIGvWzFsR0ErKKLlyGG3OdfNxuCjLc4JooIrpo_2PN8/s1600/IMG_6787.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilBY5nSyL2lS6R78S-UJehECeO_wdCcaYo7hz6DYi18_-m_2mvmQJcwGFlqRWK6lVyn08sXCbH5eOOOF-rMYXsmE9bXJ-jWawtoIGvWzFsR0ErKKLlyGG3OdfNxuCjLc4JooIrpo_2PN8/s640/IMG_6787.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've been meaning to write this post forever and finally have a spare moment for the first time in the last few months!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Life is so weird. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, I made a big decision and decided to leave all of my education, training, licensing, and professional experience behind and take a leap of faith. I left my career in Mortgage. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This was a decision that I knew I would make one day, I just didn't think it would be so soon. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I started working in mortgage about 4 years ago. Right as I got into mortgage is when my addiction really took off and got insane. I coped with a lot of the stress of my job by checking out and getting high. The only way that I knew how to cope with that type of stress was by getting high, because that's how I had always done it since I had started. My addiction and my job were so intertwined. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I would get sober, then the pieces of my job and frustrations that I had would just chip away at me until I couldn't take it any more. I would lose it, and relapse, and completely self destruct. Then, I would get sober and change myself on the inside. Then I would put myself back in that same exact environment and stress, and the cycle would begin again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When I started working at US Bank fresh out of treatment, I saw it so clearly. I had conviction to stay sober. I wanted to be sober and was willing to do whatever that took. I was willing to do hard things to stay alive. However, the environment would eat away at me. The stress felt so overwhelming, because I didn't know how to cope with it without wanting to check out. I realized that I was setting myself up for failure. As I noticed this, I realized that I really had no other choice. It became so clear to me one day. It was my career, or my life. My career was not my life. Recovery was my life now. Recovery meant I could stay alive. My career was killing me inadvertently. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Although I was changed on the inside, my life and stress on the outside was the exact same. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Although it was so clear to me, it was still a very hard decision. It really scared me. I didn't want to lose what I had worked so hard to build. But I didn't want to die either. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Finally, I just took a leap of faith and trusted myself and my conviction for recovery and my life. I think it was the first time I loved myself more than I loved trying to appear a certain way or be a certain way. It was the first time I genuinely made a decision for ME and for no other reason. I didn't care how it looked. I didn't care about my title or the company I worked for. I cared about myself and my happiness above all. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">What a break through. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So now, I am walking a new path and starting a new career. I am really excited. I feel really good. Although I am scared sometimes or worried that I lost something that was great, I know that I have potential for even better in not only my career, but in my life. I trust myself and my decision wholeheartedly. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">While some days I still have a break down and don't know what the crap I am doing, I always come back to the piece of me that trusts and knows this is where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing right now.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I feel amazing. I don't feel like someone who is living in fear of relapsing all the time. I don't live in fear of my addiction. Yes, I respect my addiction and the potential it has if I don't do the things I know I need to do to stay healthy and safe. However, I no longer feel like I am defined by an addiction or defined by being in recovery. I am someone who has struggled with an addiction. I am someone who now lives in recovery. That is a very important part of who I am and what makes me the person I am today. But I am so much more than that. I am not defined by a disease that I live with. I have so many great characteristics and have the potential, ability and talent to do great things in my life beyond struggling with an addiction. It's really exciting. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm really stoked for great things ahead!</span></div>
Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-80879141032334637132015-12-28T20:00:00.000-08:002015-12-28T20:00:38.628-08:00Tender Mercies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">To say the last 3 months or so has been challenging would be the understatement of the year. The funny part is, 2 days before all crap hit the fan, I remember sitting on my parents back porch in complete peace. I remember thinking to myself, "I am finally at peace. The past 10 years have been a rollercoaster of insanity, but I am finally at peace. I love my family. I love my job. I love my relationships. I love recovery. I love God. I know it's not always going to be this way, but right now, I am completely at peace."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Then 2 days later...BAM. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">I keep thinking how in the world did my life turn upside down so quickly? Within 1 month, EVERYTHING changed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">However, today I couldn't help but think about all of the tender mercies that have taken place during the hardest of times. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">On November 5th, Chase and I parted ways. Obviously it was not by my choice. I don't think it was fair or justified at all. But, it happened. I knew it might be coming for about 2 weeks before I actually left. Those two weeks were miserable. By the time November 5th came, I was completely in victim mode. It didn't make sense. It wasn't fair. It wasn't my fault or in my control. I lost it. That day, I relapsed. I justified it by saying that I just needed to check out for the day and it wouldn't get bad. Lies. The voice of my addiction is so sneaky. Luckily, that day I flew out to Seattle and got away with my friends for the weekend and didn't continue to use. Then I got back and reality settled in. I was a mess inside, but I didn't want anyone to know that I was struggling. Instead, I acted like I was completely fine and excited to move forward. I kept saying "this is happening for a reason", even though inside I was feeling a deep loss and sadness over all of this. The disconnect from how I was feeling and what I was saying is what took me down and took me down hard. I stayed sober for about a week. Then, I snapped. And when I say I snapped, I snapped hard. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">I won't go into detail about my relapse, but let's just say I started using on a Tuesday, and woke up in detox on a Friday. I got myself into some scary situations. I should be dead to say the least. After I got out of detox, I made the decision to go back into Day Treatment for stabilization of 2 weeks- this was the first treatment I chose to do on my own and wasn't talked into. Well 2 weeks turned into 4 weeks. I finished up Day Treatment on December 23 when I was 30 days out of detox. It was tough. It was the hardest round of treatment out of the 3 I have done. I worked my butt off. I worked hard on being honest with myself and vulnerable. I took things very seriously, because my relapse was very serious. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Today, I started my first day at my new bank- US Bank. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">So through all of this hell, there were so many tender mercies that I am grateful for: </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">1. The day I left Chase, I already had offers from Wells Fargo and US Bank. Also another offer from another company not related to mortgage. I never had to go through the stress of applying and interviewing for a new job. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">2. I had enough savings to take a break through the holidays. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">3. I asked for a start date of December 28th, which worked out really well since I wound up needing to go to treatment for a month. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">4. I didn't die. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">5. My close friend pulled me out of the scary situation that I got myself into and took me to detox. Possibly saved my life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">6. My close friends and family loved and supported me through all of the struggle and hardship. They loved me through it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">7. I was able to get treatment immediately when I needed it and stay as long as I needed and as long as it took. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">8. I have 2 renters to help pay my mortgage and utility bills. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">9. My Seattle trip took me out of my immediate relapse and was a perfect distraction during my most intense emotions. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">10. My God has shown more love, empathy, compassion, and guidance than I ever knew was possible. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">While my hope two years ago was that I would get out of treatment, be cured, and have the ability to help others who were struggling, that just isn't my reality or my process. My process has been what it has been because it was what I needed. I feel like I hit rock bottom and then just kept on digging. My life the past 3 years was definitely not in the plans. It wasn't how my life was supposed to go. It wasn't what I wanted, but it was definitely what I needed. I never want to live the past three years again. But, I am glad I lived them. The two main things the past 3 years have shown me is that 1. I am very resilient and there is strength in continuing to get back up and keep fighting against this disease. 2. God loves me, knows me, and will never give up on me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">While things don't happen like we hope them to, there will still be reasons to be grateful and take note of the tender mercies that we receive along the way. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Now, I am ready for a new beginning to a new journey. </span></div>
Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-90893700130219062602015-11-10T12:11:00.005-08:002015-11-10T12:11:35.922-08:00SEATTLE!<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Hello! So, I kinda failed miserably on finishing my story with Suboxone and now I don't really want to go back into it because it's not at the forefront of my life. If you want to hear my story, let me know and we can chat about it. Basically, everyone said getting off of it is impossible and cannot be done. I have been off of it for more than a month now and while it sucked and still sucks to have withdrawal symptoms, it feels SO GOOD to have that monkey off my back. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, I am currently unemployed and now have time to actually blog sometimes. I'm not going to go into the whole story with that. I am happy to talk about it to anyone who's wondering, but I don't want to take it all to social media, so I'm not gonna.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, I left Chase on Thursday and then went to Seattle for the weekend with some of my best friends and old roommates to visit my friend Ashley who lives up in Washington. The trip couldn't have had better timing! It was sooooooo good to get away for the weekend and be with some of the best and most hilarious friends that I have. I think if we didn't eat so much over the weekend, I would probably have a 6 pack from laughing so hard. I don't really want to go through the trip day by day but I will share a funny story which ended the trip pretty hilariously. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We have played a game called "Dice" since we were in college. One of the things with dice is that if you lose, you have to have a consequence which is agreed upon before the game. So on Sunday night we decided to play Dice. We decided that a consequence for losing one game would be to put on my friend Ashley's competition bikini and high heels and run down the street. Ashley does bikini competitions and is literally TINY and SUPER ripped. So nobody wanted to put that sucker on. And everyone knows I just learned how to wear heels like 2 years ago. So of course I lose and have to do the consequence. So, I went ahead and put on the tiny diamond bikini and wore the highest high heels I have ever seen and literally ran down her street. It wasn't even late either. It was like 9pm. I think that is probably one of the most daring and hilarious things that I have ever done. But, it also summed up how funny and awesome this trip was!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So onto pictures (not of me running down the street in the bikini, but actually good pictures of the trip):</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Our first full day, we went on the most beautiful hike. We may have gotten lost and ended up hiking 8 miles instead of 2 or 3, but it was worth it. Washington in the fall is unbeatable. I loved it. Most these pics are scenic from the hike because it was gorgeous. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My parents are very big on getting their daily steps in lately, so I had to send a picture to brag to them how many steps we got in on the hike!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I loved being near the water and port towns. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We saw some of the gnarliest trees</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Me, Carlie, Jentry, Ashley. It was so fun to be reunited probably for the first time since our days at Dixie</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX2eWan1RYw4wBUe70-M1d3iMOgUcOKttVgHXVRCdU61BH3dJoB96f1w-21mVW2quY__jISUZkENI8b7J1Y3q7iynFz2EF33Ow8PJiCrylPvfUvtONHfmqM0IvDNJYVHJ3H5CSrJDENbA/s1600/IMG_5922.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX2eWan1RYw4wBUe70-M1d3iMOgUcOKttVgHXVRCdU61BH3dJoB96f1w-21mVW2quY__jISUZkENI8b7J1Y3q7iynFz2EF33Ow8PJiCrylPvfUvtONHfmqM0IvDNJYVHJ3H5CSrJDENbA/s640/IMG_5922.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">More of the hike...</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Jentry and I waiting to get on the Ferry Boat to Seattle</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We went to the marketplace in Seattle. We saw them throwing fish which was pretty rad. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYMd9jfXidC85uQ0-k5QyGNctEURTmFDHZnEdzYny1CuqYnS_Gl3z7fG5nhezw3LSAitCdHPSv7udrRaKtmArQjHV47PSkGwJ_EJtrZfBsT6fGAaN7fVmHs8zeQaOw5aWmaxk11YqUum8/s1600/IMG_5972.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYMd9jfXidC85uQ0-k5QyGNctEURTmFDHZnEdzYny1CuqYnS_Gl3z7fG5nhezw3LSAitCdHPSv7udrRaKtmArQjHV47PSkGwJ_EJtrZfBsT6fGAaN7fVmHs8zeQaOw5aWmaxk11YqUum8/s640/IMG_5972.jpg" width="634" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It rained the whole day while we were in Seattle, but we really didn't mind it at all. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We were slightly stoked en route to Seattle. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">More Hike Pics</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi89XFMEBjPEqDEMHjEEYdKELwvy3YK-sMQSGUp5CQaYPndI073wFAjRBI3YTrk6AOsC8WyFy_GczMZOEj6G1ZkjrVLRUQoaWViWxY8o5SNHDRJWVuyBlO1i0scSACNKndAIXvW-nLhDhY/s1600/IMG_5004.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi89XFMEBjPEqDEMHjEEYdKELwvy3YK-sMQSGUp5CQaYPndI073wFAjRBI3YTrk6AOsC8WyFy_GczMZOEj6G1ZkjrVLRUQoaWViWxY8o5SNHDRJWVuyBlO1i0scSACNKndAIXvW-nLhDhY/s640/IMG_5004.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Jentry climbed up into a tree that was actually really rad in real life</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Carlie and I on the plane. I love the fact that no matter how long we haven't talked or seen each other, we pick up exactly where we left off. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We did A LOT of driving to see different things over the weekend. I learned how car sick I get as an adult. It was rough, but it was a small price to pay for the sights we got to see. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Ashley (amazing bikini comp champ), Jentry, Carlie, Me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We got really good at group selfies</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Our last day we went to Olympia. It was such a rad port town. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">When we were in college, my mom would send us themed socks for the different holidays. It was only fitting that she sent me with some new socks for all of us!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">I am so glad I went and got to see some of my favorite people and see beautiful Washington. We had a blast and I can't wait for our next girls trip!!</span><br />
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Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-26028695560102116722015-10-11T09:59:00.002-07:002015-10-11T09:59:55.394-07:00The Journey To Zero<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">I think like most addicts who are in recovery, we like to talk about the beauty of recovery, not the ugliness of addiction. We try to move forward and not dwell on the past- but never forget how dark that past was and why we never ever want to go back to that person who we know that we aren't, yet addiction brings out. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">So let's talk about the ugly side of my Suboxone journey, along with the beauty of FINALLY being done with the drug two years later. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">So what is suboxone? Suboxone is used for opiate addicts to help them come off of hard opiates such as heroin. It is just like heroin and attaches to the same opiate receptors that heroin does, however, it doesn't produce the same high effect as the other opiates. It is a very effective drug to get opiate addicts on when they are detoxing from the hard stuff or if there is an opiate addict that chronically relapses and suboxone is the only way to block them from getting high on other opiates if they were to take them while on suboxone. It's kind of a hard drug to understand so if you really care that much about understanding what it is and how it differs, you can google it if you have a real itch to learn about those bad boys. Moving on...</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">So the next question is- am I a hard core opiate addict? Am I addicted to heroin? The answer is no. I would abuse opiates such as Loratab and Percocet when they were around after surgery or what not- especially when they were MUUUCH easier to get back when I was in high school, but I never actively sought them. They made me nauseated and I didn't like them like I liked other pills that were tranquilizers. Tranquilizers were my thing- Ambien, Xanex, Fioricet, Soma, any downer that would fly under the radar at Dr's offices and different pharmacies. Not only did I love those types of drugs, but more than anything, I loved manipulating the whole system from the Dr's to the Insurance company, to the Pharmacies, to the Drug reporting database. See, us addicts are really smart (sometimes detrimentally smart if focused on the wrong things) and the greatest high doesn't come from actually getting high, but it comes from actually being able to manipulate our way to the high. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">So, if I am not a big opiate person, then why was I put on Suboxone in the first place? Well, when I entered rehab two years ago, I was put on the drugs that I was on because I have 3 herniated discs in my neck along with a few other issues with my back and neck. So, I honestly believed that I couldn't get off those drugs because regardless of whether or not I was an addict, I was in very real and true pain. So the Dr. at my treatment center found a solution to get me off the "hard stuff" and on to a "safer" medication for chronic pain. Next thing I know, I am on a very low dose of suboxone. Since I didn't have a high tolerance to opiates- because I hadn't taken them since my last surgery 4 years before, the suboxone actually did produce a sort of high for me. While in TREATMENT, I was all about taking my suboxone every day and loving the way it reduced my anxiety, took away the physical pain, and just overall calmed me and helped me sleep. So from the day I left treatment and was in charge of my own medication management, I abused those suckers. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">It wasn't hard at all at first. I was on such a low dose, that if I took double what I was supposed to, it made me feel really good. I started messing around with them on a regular basis and then began going hard on them for 3 weeks out of the month and then either manipulated the system to get a new script earlier than needed, or I would buy them at an outrageous price from my friend from rehab for about $25 per pill. This went on for about 8 months. I was in so much denial that this was even a problem. I was sober from the drugs that ruined my life, so I was sober right? I wouldn't have any problems kicking this problem at some point in the future- if it was even really necessary. I just want to say I REALLY was committed to sobriety and honestly didn't believe that this was a problem at all. Denial can be a sneaky manipulator. So about 8 months later, when I was close to 1 year of "sobriety", going to school, starting a new job, doing an internship, etc. I started abusing them more and more and manipulating my way through the system to do so. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Finally, one day my Therapist straight up called me out on it. My cover was blown. I didn't have 8 months of sobriety anymore because the secret was out and I couldn't do anything about it. So then we devised a plan to get off of them. By this time, I was up to 16mg from the 1mg I had started at the year before. Suboxone is one of those things that you can't quickly just taper off of because of how well it sticks to those opiate receptors. I had to go to a suboxone clinic and come down safely on them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">This post is getting too long, and even I don't have the patience to keep writing about this. Let's pick this back up tomorrow. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">To be continued....</span></div>
<br />Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-7798126354027543342015-10-05T19:48:00.000-07:002015-10-05T19:54:24.457-07:00Life In The Sexy Lane 2.0<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Well Hello! Welcome back to Life In The Sexy Lane 2.0! It has been a long while since I have posted on here. I needed some time away to get myself and my life back together. While I love posting and sharing on this blog, there is also a constant juggle that I feel between wanting to be real and genuine, but also wanting to show up and be strong and show my better side or share the better parts of life. Sometimes, especially when you feel like you are completely lost or broken, it can get hard to post because those are parts of myself that I have a hard time acknowledging to myself- let alone people who read this blog. I have always prided this blog as being real and genuine to who I am and what I am going through, but sometimes when life itself feels as though it is blowing up all around me, I tend to disconnect. I disconnect from myself, my loved ones, and my life. I begin to just show up and go through the motions without feeling any emotions or enjoyment in my life. So when I started relapsing last January, I didn't want to admit it on my blog for many reasons. I wanted to show my strength in my recovery, not my weakness in my addiction. Sometimes there is a fine line between being genuine and being too vulnerable in an inappropriate public setting. I didn't want to lose my internship or get kicked out of my school program because I wanted to work in recovery despite the fact that I was not in a stable enough place to be working in or planning to work in recovery when I wasn't in a solid place in my own recovery. And honestly, I just didn't want to start the whole recovery thing all over again. Needless to say, the last six months there have been some drastic changes such as dropping out of my school program and not completing my internship hours. Starting an IOP treatment program and relapsing so I had to take 6 weeks off of work to do a day treatment program. And since then, practicing what I have learned and really work on <span id="goog_1630093929"></span><span id="goog_1630093930"></span>myself and my recovery which required a lot more private journaling rather than public blogging. That being said, I have really missed this blog. It has been a great way for me to emotionally connect and become vulnerable. It allows me to express and share myself. And the best part, it allows me to connect with so many others who decide to share their story of struggle and find a small glimmer of hope in their own pain. I can't promise a blog post every day like I have in the past, but I do want to start sharing again and I feel like now it is the right time and I am in the right place to begin to post again. I hope to share with you my struggles, victories, comedies, and the interworks or how my brain randomly operates moving forward. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, moving forward....let's go through some pictures/highlights from this last summer...</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We got some rock climbing in</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We bought this girl her first pair of roller skates</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAltvqOLF1rVJsCgBnW65KcoC3cscCyvLQdX4U_WYVsjbFo1v3gj6ZQYvzqwEW5uwPH8XT9tA_GxyzRTH7g7iouNw1oyr2HlouNcd8tzAeKWRGJG8noMCK5cgJu-65Dh7PEdWLJp2M4nw/s1600/IMG_4673.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAltvqOLF1rVJsCgBnW65KcoC3cscCyvLQdX4U_WYVsjbFo1v3gj6ZQYvzqwEW5uwPH8XT9tA_GxyzRTH7g7iouNw1oyr2HlouNcd8tzAeKWRGJG8noMCK5cgJu-65Dh7PEdWLJp2M4nw/s640/IMG_4673.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This little one literally grew up right in front of our eyes</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My parents and I spent a brisk Memorial Day weekend up in Park City</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I got my favorite pair of summer sandals</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Charlee in now enrolled Grandpa Davy's Hunting Recruiting club</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I finished my first year at Chase Bank by accomplishing all of my first year goals </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Grandpa took the kids fishing</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">These were by far a summer favorite treat</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So many Sunday afternoons with the littles</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And every Sunday was a new adventure</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The week after my relapse, I got into Golfing as a way to support my recovery. My first two games, I got birdies...haven't gotten one since. I took lessons and probably played almost every single day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">These kids reminded me what playing outside all summer is magical</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I took my own style to the golf course</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I bought a new Garmin that is 100 times smarter than I am </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">All the cousins went up to Park City for a week </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And they were stoked to say the least</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I taught Kylie the secret to life is to drink A LOT of Diet Coke</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We got 6th row tickets at Kelly Clarkson</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I developed a sock addiction</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Kylie started walking...and Charlee started posing and smiling for pictures</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I started Trail Running again</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And it was the best way to restore my broken spirit </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I reconnected with FTR and ran at Recovery Day with my Hero and Sober Sister Rachel</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhVpjXK-PupNudIm0Vf_pDLuK93pfT7ea3O7s_yOkS3u8s6rPY0b7AdcRIaUhx3YQ3KT4SmsOD3vxRqA0_PiHOXCg-LIfatdb-1eRXi_s2n316edjzuXyWfumyREuaOi56fU-WV4Is8pM/s1600/IMG_5462.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhVpjXK-PupNudIm0Vf_pDLuK93pfT7ea3O7s_yOkS3u8s6rPY0b7AdcRIaUhx3YQ3KT4SmsOD3vxRqA0_PiHOXCg-LIfatdb-1eRXi_s2n316edjzuXyWfumyREuaOi56fU-WV4Is8pM/s640/IMG_5462.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The girls decided going to the Toy Store on our Date Nights is now a regular tradition (so much better than going to Chuck E Cheese)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And we tried to all smile for a picture...</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQfPurT339zmNYjAn_jRDP61djPwJlqrYnf-YSgL1LCAb6yMwgxEQpafKvAV-BT3Ob9avZB5f4F6N7kLT3Jyht4znu-DedCYc62LV4GhWNMQvDNwLjLfXztyb9cvmjBWy4lrItIUzTX8M/s1600/IMG_5473.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQfPurT339zmNYjAn_jRDP61djPwJlqrYnf-YSgL1LCAb6yMwgxEQpafKvAV-BT3Ob9avZB5f4F6N7kLT3Jyht4znu-DedCYc62LV4GhWNMQvDNwLjLfXztyb9cvmjBWy4lrItIUzTX8M/s640/IMG_5473.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But most pictures turned out goofy</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfag2b3SOvjsoEjdr3bh8C6j646b6nUkC4NgpvAalNVkscEKFJ5E5AFCFNL3tX0UcDwIyQ9kT4k5LiZhqsGeRQAhw5aAd5YOhQ4TgJplah8-kIg6pHx-emCfsFKUexlWzDg-r_pFSFDBY/s1600/IMG_5494.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfag2b3SOvjsoEjdr3bh8C6j646b6nUkC4NgpvAalNVkscEKFJ5E5AFCFNL3tX0UcDwIyQ9kT4k5LiZhqsGeRQAhw5aAd5YOhQ4TgJplah8-kIg6pHx-emCfsFKUexlWzDg-r_pFSFDBY/s640/IMG_5494.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I played in the freezing cold Women's Realtor Golf Tournament on team Stewart Title </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCGhfdl4GyKP-oOUftosVHFb2audAVjBe0g7aPwB5Lz0rXHluTBuCTg6Zxus43-TXcw6Rxy_8tzINST5H8QuCvoL_IudF932B8H4KKhSMaR8K6kzwNbaL5PWgCDRb1pFAktYVa4eoEIGM/s1600/IMG_5501.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCGhfdl4GyKP-oOUftosVHFb2audAVjBe0g7aPwB5Lz0rXHluTBuCTg6Zxus43-TXcw6Rxy_8tzINST5H8QuCvoL_IudF932B8H4KKhSMaR8K6kzwNbaL5PWgCDRb1pFAktYVa4eoEIGM/s640/IMG_5501.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Dave and I went to DC because I signed up for a Half Marathon solely to have a reason to eat at Good Stuff and have this iconic Roasted Marshmallow Shake</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGs-G9EN6RpQ6KW2jqwb-mrXcE9wHkn0tRCSiVwnyBV_l4W7tlUtFu6_s1ctucfVBXJJ6ecr2lElGwXae02_1eCNeQBi3SJfFTHV-JX5srKDZ55p3oEGF4X0yyf7AAOftnRSIHkHT8kuA/s1600/IMG_5523.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGs-G9EN6RpQ6KW2jqwb-mrXcE9wHkn0tRCSiVwnyBV_l4W7tlUtFu6_s1ctucfVBXJJ6ecr2lElGwXae02_1eCNeQBi3SJfFTHV-JX5srKDZ55p3oEGF4X0yyf7AAOftnRSIHkHT8kuA/s640/IMG_5523.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When you're at the Capitol, it's only cool to be super cheesy and wear patriotic gear around.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Of course we did all of the cool tourist things that I have probably done 25 times now</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7Fx_DLfajpn2ZEyB6fKnKX_CfvAL1xomsrwjDO75XXVDs7Wfy8RdGILvXYt49RSD-kE3EbzjvsbRETJu9jWGnSnVD92KdInJ9a1mP5yrfvFyPA60e1ORrYV5AXmX9sAQlkXg-WfL5fFQ/s1600/IMG_5560.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7Fx_DLfajpn2ZEyB6fKnKX_CfvAL1xomsrwjDO75XXVDs7Wfy8RdGILvXYt49RSD-kE3EbzjvsbRETJu9jWGnSnVD92KdInJ9a1mP5yrfvFyPA60e1ORrYV5AXmX9sAQlkXg-WfL5fFQ/s640/IMG_5560.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I ran a half marathon without training and got the running bug again. My goal is to run my Half Marathon Personal Record in September of 2016</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtllCkJVeDs4Cl6-gU0S_zto69VSkhK5SFHo75wkuC1S6EVO1-fgi_Ch4-rDmYZlX7Qzrlnt_pIExAPJdoCCmW3W-p61xGzV3LREFnbn_7vkigkC8obU8WHXefvrTtOMhvUY4nOcVEKLY/s1600/IMG_5566.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtllCkJVeDs4Cl6-gU0S_zto69VSkhK5SFHo75wkuC1S6EVO1-fgi_Ch4-rDmYZlX7Qzrlnt_pIExAPJdoCCmW3W-p61xGzV3LREFnbn_7vkigkC8obU8WHXefvrTtOMhvUY4nOcVEKLY/s640/IMG_5566.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Being addicted to running is much better than being addicted to drugs. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje6lY2uZoEBnwkdGW6lY-fcjgH14jhSYFMnw-teO6NakBa-F9SFHiXrUNYO7RVk5yeRT24iX3EAz7gyVjJlW2LyLmOy992YVjwXKIsAApsyGt9zmaDSQui65Q2KrjKtOPHc0YsjExnD4I/s1600/IMG_5602.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje6lY2uZoEBnwkdGW6lY-fcjgH14jhSYFMnw-teO6NakBa-F9SFHiXrUNYO7RVk5yeRT24iX3EAz7gyVjJlW2LyLmOy992YVjwXKIsAApsyGt9zmaDSQui65Q2KrjKtOPHc0YsjExnD4I/s640/IMG_5602.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We enjoyed summer nights in the backyard</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaLR43YejFVpT1c-rgHJNhZDux0yFgl_ivXPo-yahw2e9BCUI8ln0mbJL-0Ky0aOC532LaT8a9ObBraMyrHvBxSw6F_97N13bTbL1bLlqP1u_Peb-PT7BaYWPfKsKr2GREEHngl4MeJyw/s1600/IMG_5610.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaLR43YejFVpT1c-rgHJNhZDux0yFgl_ivXPo-yahw2e9BCUI8ln0mbJL-0Ky0aOC532LaT8a9ObBraMyrHvBxSw6F_97N13bTbL1bLlqP1u_Peb-PT7BaYWPfKsKr2GREEHngl4MeJyw/s640/IMG_5610.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">These two became very best buds</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMJodvJNxhw8ArQAyzZ_-wnElq96GsOj-Ov3uRAmGeHRTzUTl_EGeCocAW4E71RdecnTxmaarVNuIAZ7PVybfWL3s8sj6wkOhQa9irlE-KZf9u4xw5QSpD2ubtR8qBqw09nHcPK0p7yGQ/s1600/IMG_5620.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMJodvJNxhw8ArQAyzZ_-wnElq96GsOj-Ov3uRAmGeHRTzUTl_EGeCocAW4E71RdecnTxmaarVNuIAZ7PVybfWL3s8sj6wkOhQa9irlE-KZf9u4xw5QSpD2ubtR8qBqw09nHcPK0p7yGQ/s640/IMG_5620.jpg" width="358" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My new baby niece Charlotte was born</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYOCFUH7Hgv7PyaEv8coK28vA0bomSesFSqg2sfAZMZbcRvOmRt8Y_SyzYYJ-qQJ8gQ6OjavtkMg5Ytmx3WApzJ9H4VflMDbUKUTHR9AECnRlPGJLov9T1KDMe1EDGPwuAdOBYDYBS9H8/s1600/IMG_5656.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYOCFUH7Hgv7PyaEv8coK28vA0bomSesFSqg2sfAZMZbcRvOmRt8Y_SyzYYJ-qQJ8gQ6OjavtkMg5Ytmx3WApzJ9H4VflMDbUKUTHR9AECnRlPGJLov9T1KDMe1EDGPwuAdOBYDYBS9H8/s640/IMG_5656.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Four months of golfing paid off with 3 drives straight onto the green at Sleepy Ridge</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Qxl3dg9Yk3uB-4eZR43IrTF2dIUdIgiSIhTL8L3XrGQiAAP0CY6Bt-ILVINIQzie8gubn-ANIj4a2EjcjpN7qRGOiAhB8tzsRB7RBXMubxqotFVzWPY5KsBKMZ1C0oaaqp2GmEwSCdw/s1600/IMG_5683.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Qxl3dg9Yk3uB-4eZR43IrTF2dIUdIgiSIhTL8L3XrGQiAAP0CY6Bt-ILVINIQzie8gubn-ANIj4a2EjcjpN7qRGOiAhB8tzsRB7RBXMubxqotFVzWPY5KsBKMZ1C0oaaqp2GmEwSCdw/s640/IMG_5683.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And, the summer has officially come to an end. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It was a great summer. A summer for the books. I feel healthy. I feel happy. I feel strong. I feel connected. I feel like after 10 long years of fighting so many demons, depression, anxiety, etc...I am finally content and happy with who I am and where my life is going. It feels amazing!</span>
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Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-23793131900301539872015-03-28T10:19:00.001-07:002015-03-28T10:19:07.388-07:00The TRUTH<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFDmEUKQQ_08_eQyy9BT4DQ2FE0InV8N-KZxW2_8ZQl8sZcFMxWkVr66c0KhmoyK5_Vx8dfpLFHz05al4UmpGX1Baik9gneGLXS7G84Qw2qNwxvBaLc1qvmSpuCdYToiTSM2L0IteO76E/s1600/IMG_4479.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFDmEUKQQ_08_eQyy9BT4DQ2FE0InV8N-KZxW2_8ZQl8sZcFMxWkVr66c0KhmoyK5_Vx8dfpLFHz05al4UmpGX1Baik9gneGLXS7G84Qw2qNwxvBaLc1qvmSpuCdYToiTSM2L0IteO76E/s1600/IMG_4479.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I feel like it's time to start telling the truth. I have been living in lies for the past few months and it's time to make some changes and stop living in denial.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Here's my story....</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">In August I started school at the University of Utah to become a Substance Abuse Counselor. When I started school, I felt super solid in my recovery. I was doing the activities that I needed to do in order to live a life of honesty and recovery. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">In September, I started working at Chase. I took on a very difficult job that required a lot of hard work and dedication to get my business off the ground. Along with that, I was assigned to work at a branch in South Jordan. For whatever reason, the Branch Manager didn't like me, and she made it very well known. She complained to her District Manager about me regularly and I would often get passive aggression remarks thrown my way. This was hard to take. Not only was I not used to working in an environment where I wasn't liked, but I was taking on a job that was way more intense than any job I was used to. This triggered me big time, as it tapped into a lot of shame I have had in my life and I felt like I wasn't good enough or worth enough due to her attitude. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">In November, I started interning at my old treatment center. I tried to get as many hours as I could and worked hard to juggle school, my job, my internship and my recovery. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Then, I started slipping.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I had to go into a Dr. in December in order to do a wellness exam and get a discount on my health insurance at Chase. Before I went in to see the Dr, I made a plan to get my drug of choice. I went in and told him I had just moved to the Valley and I was currently on some medications and asked him if he could refill those prescriptions. No questions asked, the Dr. called in those prescriptions. I had access to drugs I shouldn't have. I got the first prescription, took two of them, then freaked out and flushed the rest. Two weeks later, I got a refill. This time, I took 6 and then flushed the rest. After this experience, I cancelled the remaining refills and tried to get back on the right path. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Then, things started getting worse at the branch in South Jordan. I was super depressed because of the way that I was treated there. I also was overwhelmed with such a busy schedule and began to feel isolated from people who mattered the most to me and the recovery community. My busy schedule was actually impairing me from working a solid recovery program. I started having anxiety attacks about going in to work and working with this lady who publicly shamed me. One night, I woke up in the middle of the night and emailed the Dr. I had met with the month before to call in some Xanex for my anxiety. I woke up the next morning and didn't remember waking up and emailing the Dr. I went to pick up my normal prescriptions that next day and next thing I know, I had Xanex in my possession. I took half the bottle throughout the week, and then flushed the rest.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">This made me realize that I couldn't continue doing what I was doing. I told my manager to transfer me, because my current situation was causing me to self destruct. I decided to take some time off from my internship to free up some time to work on myself. At the same time, I couldn't stop thinking about getting more Xanex. When that Branch Manager found out I was leaving, she yelled through the branch, "YES! We are getting a new loan officer!" and then proceeded to talk to every Banker about how horrible I was at my job right in front of me. This made me feel even more horrible. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The next few weeks, I tried to find my footing in recovery and really work a program. I was still so depressed and overly stressed with work and school. I still continued to isolate myself from the recovery community that had meant so much to me in the past. About a month later, I emailed the Dr. to send in more Xanex. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">This time, I went all out and relapsed. I took 20 Xanex in a 4 day span and just wanted to give up. I couldn't continue on this path anymore. I didn't know what to do and continued to think about using more and more. I was in full on relapse mode and honestly didn't care anymore. It was recommended to me that I enter in an Intensive Outpatient program, but I refused. I was still in denial about it and didn't want to believe that I had actually fully relapsed. I continued to isolate myself and tried to juggle everything that was going on. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Then, one day, I got a text from my Internship Supervisor. I was planning on trying to go back to my internship in April, but she told me that the owners decided to cut back on the amount of interns at their treatment center and I no longer could go back to my internship. On top of that, I was dealing with loans dying at work that were putting my clients that I had worked so hard for and cared about in a homeless situation if I couldn't help them. I took on all of this stress and personalized it. Finally, I snapped. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I left work that day and drove to the Liquor Store. I picked up a bottle of Vodka and went home and started drinking. I felt completely lost. All of the stress and hard work I put in to school and my internship were for nothing. I felt like my purpose for this past year was for nothing and I no longer had any purpose. I drank all weekend and wouldn't respond to anybody who was trying to reach out to me. I felt so low. I haven't felt that low in two years. I just didn't care any more and I didn't want recovery. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Looking back, somewhere between work and school and interning, I lost my internal desire to live in recovery. I was in recovery for everyone and everything else. I wasn't in recovery for myself anymore and when those things began to fall apart, so did I. I drank all weekend and took ambien and was completely miserable. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Then, this last week, I was intervened on by a couple of Therapists that I had been working with. They told me if I continued on this path, I was going to die and I needed to take a break from everything and get treatment. This was a huge wake up call to me. I never in a million years would have thought I would be in this situation again. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">So where does that leave me now? Now, I have a choice. I can continue self destructing, or I can make some changes. I have decided and committed to making some important changes. I decided to let go of school for now. This was too much for me to handle at this point and doing more hard than good. I also decided to make some commitments. I decided it's time to cut ties with the Dr. hook up that I created. I committed to going to a couple meetings a week. I committed to doing one recovery activity every day. I committed to working through the 12 steps. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I know without a doubt that my addiction is alive and well. I know I could benefit from treatment at this point. I know I need to make some important changes. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I am asking you, my blog community, to support me with this. I need help. I need support. I need to get back to where I was and working a recovery program for myself and nothing else. I know I can do this. I want to do this. I am ready to move forward and stop hiding behind my denial and secrets. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Addiction is powerful. It doesn't stop. While I am working on my recovery, my addiction is off to the side doing pushups and getting even stronger. The addicted part of my brain will find any excuse to give in. These past few months have absolutely sucked. I have never felt so much like a fraud as I was engaging in behaviors that were slowly destroying me. I know now that recovery has to always be my number one priority no matter what. I am ready to move forward and make this work. </span></div>
Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-36649747394312388802015-02-15T09:13:00.002-08:002015-02-15T09:13:13.704-08:00Valentine Party<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Recently, I have decided to take a little break from one of my evening responsibilities to get myself back on track. I was so busy, I began losing myself and losing my peace, serenity, and happiness. I never like to let go of any of my responsibilities and I am addicted to being busy, but after a lot of thought and a lot of pushing by my therapy team I decided it was best. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">My first free night, my mom had a Valentine Day Family Night with my sister's kids. It was so much fun to spend the night with them, play, dance, decorate cards, and make cookies. I miss these kids so much when I go even a few days without seeing them. They allow me to be completely myself and make me feel special. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Here's some pics from that night:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSau5VBezkm9awgCN_kEePOAgrZWVFmqTRCN2xB3UWZZn8TdSEUScMt8Az1VsT-2hjdZ1ztXCsBd0py1oFzTx6wwzrOsJ66EpDGXXnVV4g2y3Zzzy4rY_FH109bmTjY1HrM2gpfN9fNFk/s1600/IMG_4217.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSau5VBezkm9awgCN_kEePOAgrZWVFmqTRCN2xB3UWZZn8TdSEUScMt8Az1VsT-2hjdZ1ztXCsBd0py1oFzTx6wwzrOsJ66EpDGXXnVV4g2y3Zzzy4rY_FH109bmTjY1HrM2gpfN9fNFk/s1600/IMG_4217.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">My very favorite Valentine card I have ever received from Rylie</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXhSASqgKhSG4i3RJp4xpq_NfqRFYTJqtyit87XmZAbo8pASNsPR4u9Un2XEtWAMjd4ge_MFvgjdCrZV3ax-o9R-5z61JlHWwTUtfHvfgarPhvRsE4tJ3rAbtvNt35DtYxAO05O630w6E/s1600/IMG_4224.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXhSASqgKhSG4i3RJp4xpq_NfqRFYTJqtyit87XmZAbo8pASNsPR4u9Un2XEtWAMjd4ge_MFvgjdCrZV3ax-o9R-5z61JlHWwTUtfHvfgarPhvRsE4tJ3rAbtvNt35DtYxAO05O630w6E/s1600/IMG_4224.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Rylie has some mad cookie making skills. Guarantees a sugar coma for at least one week. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHHad5CJDmDmxurN2A08SsbeWIxoCXOA8tZyEvGYhGXy_WWxHDgws8yv2KqNSWRMs-BWjCn1Kv-3deI2W_ca5SfpjY7kPTUF0vVEumPY4PxsL0Q6Aw8VfoD0tYLL4Z_AQYfryKWfHdyzk/s1600/IMG_4226.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHHad5CJDmDmxurN2A08SsbeWIxoCXOA8tZyEvGYhGXy_WWxHDgws8yv2KqNSWRMs-BWjCn1Kv-3deI2W_ca5SfpjY7kPTUF0vVEumPY4PxsL0Q6Aw8VfoD0tYLL4Z_AQYfryKWfHdyzk/s1600/IMG_4226.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">She refused to show her entire face, so this was the best I could do!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">And in other news...</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVZhwWGwI3xKh2DRUI3yy7JKycrboKqUz13ppgggAjm20gGJEyPQcOPf45A_Rx8kaJZm6t4obDJ9h6ovsjaEZOdwKS3iyUsWgGs4Oe1a7I9QzDHy6xum5mQJwiN9QfwhbUmsvVAf-Dn6c/s1600/IMG_4230.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVZhwWGwI3xKh2DRUI3yy7JKycrboKqUz13ppgggAjm20gGJEyPQcOPf45A_Rx8kaJZm6t4obDJ9h6ovsjaEZOdwKS3iyUsWgGs4Oe1a7I9QzDHy6xum5mQJwiN9QfwhbUmsvVAf-Dn6c/s1600/IMG_4230.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I survived my first round of tests for this semester!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqP27VzPZW1UWMQFeWVdyFGvFNMktZU5amlVJdnep2KigAHeQHzshifGoSjCDu6gICbzlwr5ljapzGHKTWq50fRk-7fuFYUpNE7Euy6lJdBbiMigEt0TDcnLiz7-XJVYmDBlALwSotfX4/s1600/IMG_4231.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqP27VzPZW1UWMQFeWVdyFGvFNMktZU5amlVJdnep2KigAHeQHzshifGoSjCDu6gICbzlwr5ljapzGHKTWq50fRk-7fuFYUpNE7Euy6lJdBbiMigEt0TDcnLiz7-XJVYmDBlALwSotfX4/s1600/IMG_4231.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I am finally finding my footing with my job at Chase. In the last month, I have ramped up a great pipeline that I am very excited about! I got transferred from one of the branches that I was really struggling at, and I am really excited to be at the 3 branches I am now covering!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5eE3tS2GwwOUflgvA-nsL8-qDMwi5yGASb76Raa_PjzEKcRfp-kCaXva1xS5djv-j3vlco20-0IFV61ooSyxWaZLsVgZMqrFWDjQJjr9chaOxt6zGlGOPhIYrPyTOFjrmoAndHsSm26Y/s1600/IMG_4215.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5eE3tS2GwwOUflgvA-nsL8-qDMwi5yGASb76Raa_PjzEKcRfp-kCaXva1xS5djv-j3vlco20-0IFV61ooSyxWaZLsVgZMqrFWDjQJjr9chaOxt6zGlGOPhIYrPyTOFjrmoAndHsSm26Y/s1600/IMG_4215.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I am soooo excited I now have a job that allows me to shop at Whole Foods again! Also, we got a new Trader Joes by my house! I love living in Sandy!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I am loving this weather lately! I couldn't ask for a better Utah winter!!</span></div>
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Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-57243197709530292062015-02-07T18:12:00.007-08:002015-02-07T18:12:59.233-08:00Lately<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">It's been months since I last posted on here and so much has gone on. I've been crazy busy building my mortgage business at Chase, celebrated the holidays, got a 4.0 last semester, started working at Turning Point Centers for my internship, spent time with family, spent time hiking and snowboarding, and started tapering off of Subutex by working closely with an outpatient Subutex clinic. There have been high highs and very low lows, but overall...I am living day by day to build the life that I have always dreamt of. Here's what my life has been according to my iphone...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Thanksgiving happened...</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlt9h79CB8tpueqJbO6f6IETxw3hrk0sj7Qam36PfIb_L8xPWvMRTs4iw1Va2jcm3gYgeRLNdQMI2ViR828JEd9kg5f6yWAV_shjZSUiqn8unSWhBrzjLTfrzN5wtDkt3wJN7vP6w4shs/s1600/IMG_4060.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlt9h79CB8tpueqJbO6f6IETxw3hrk0sj7Qam36PfIb_L8xPWvMRTs4iw1Va2jcm3gYgeRLNdQMI2ViR828JEd9kg5f6yWAV_shjZSUiqn8unSWhBrzjLTfrzN5wtDkt3wJN7vP6w4shs/s1600/IMG_4060.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Cute Rylie refuses to wear dresses...but she's completely okay wearing "long shirts"</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZhlAICkXzZECf6ffNkOTlJIcbOaMkBSZPIxlQnjxOyoPZUWBNp5sALR3wUUQ5LRGMBBMXmX4cRPtCvtpEmoXe92GMSwARDt-Lad31DSbattf3vZg3FNuLyF-FOr7K532TqGmiwRc95iE/s1600/IMG_4062.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZhlAICkXzZECf6ffNkOTlJIcbOaMkBSZPIxlQnjxOyoPZUWBNp5sALR3wUUQ5LRGMBBMXmX4cRPtCvtpEmoXe92GMSwARDt-Lad31DSbattf3vZg3FNuLyF-FOr7K532TqGmiwRc95iE/s1600/IMG_4062.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Baby girl loves matching me wearing "Elsa shirts"</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Working all day every day to build my Chase mortgage business. I now work at Fashion Place, Fort Union, and Cottonwood Heights. I just got back from a Denver Sales Conference and I am so motivated to make 2015 my highest income year yet. My last paycheck was the biggest paycheck of my career so far!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Christmas happened...the little girls helped me decorate my townhouse for Christmas.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Baby girl hacked my phone...future blackmail pictures...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Gotta love Christmas parties with some of my favorite sober friends up here.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Snowboarding with my brother and sister on Christmas Eve</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Spent time with my nieces from Arizona</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">LOVE my new goggles</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I might have had a slight addiction to snowboarding coats this year.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">This kid...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Hiking beautiful Bells Canyon is this amazing winter weather</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Yet another coat...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I celebrated One Year of sobriety</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Snowboarding with one of my favorite people. I rely on Erica to entertain me on the weekends. She does a really good job!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Running in this beautiful <strike>spring </strike>winter weather</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">More phone hacks</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The world's cutest baby</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">This picture sums up my aunt life. Playing "Go Fish" and getting my hair done at the same time!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">My new favorite trick!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">That about sums up my winter adventures these past few months! I can't wait to see what else is in store for 2015. My only resolution is to stay sober. So far, so good!</span></div>
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Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-75265766118294355962014-12-04T10:43:00.000-08:002014-12-04T10:43:03.078-08:00The First Step- Brutal Honesty<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The first step of the 12 steps reads: </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol (or any other mind altering substance) that our lives had become unmanageable."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Time for some brutal honesty here. I have not been completely sober this past year. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I have been sober from my drugs of choice for the last year, yes. But, I have not been completely sober. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">First admittance, I have had a few "run ins" with ambien. I was prescribed ambien to sleep by my doctor, and there have been a few times over this last year where I have abused ambien. I have taken more than prescribed at times, and there have been times when I have been sick where I took it all day and all night for a few days straight. I told my therapist about this and we actually called my pharmacy and cancelled my refills and then we called my doctor and told him that I have abused this substance and to put into my chart that I cannot handle ambien.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Next admittance, when I was in treatment, I was prescribed a drug called Suboxone. I was prescribed this because I was dealing with chronic pain in my back and neck when I went into treatment and a low dose of suboxone helps with chronic pain. It is a narcotic that does not produce as much of a "high" as other narcotics like oxycontin. It is also 20 times more powerful than morphine at low doses, so it effectively masks pain. The problem is, when I first started suboxone, I knew that I liked the way that it made me feel. It helped with anxiety, sleep, and of course the pain. Since I got out of treatment, I started taking more than prescribed and abused the medication. I rationalized this all year long, because it was prescribed by my addiction doctor. However, I have been telling my therapist for months that I was going to get off of this, but I haven't taken the steps to begin tapering down from this medication. When I got my wisdom teeth out a few weeks ago, I was taking suboxone and ambien all weekend long to deal with the pain. I went in to my therapist and told her about this. She finally called me out and said that I had a dependence to this drug and I needed to get off of it. I denied this like crazy. I rationalized that I needed it and it wasn't a problem to take more than prescribed. Over the course of the session, I finally admitted that I had a problem with this drug. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">This triggered so much shame. This made me so upset, because I realized that I haven't been completely honest with myself and I haven't been completely sober like I thought I had. Immediately my first thought was, "well if I haven't been completely sober, then screw it, I am just going to use my drugs of choice." I was really close to relapsing. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">After a week of processing this, I am finally to the point where I am ready to be brutally honest with myself and others. The truth is, I have no control over my medication management. I wish more than anything that I did, but the truth is, I don't. I have been sober from my drugs of choice for almost a year now. This is something to be proud of and celebrate. Is there room for improvement? Absolutely. I am ready to admit that I cannot take ambien any more. I am also ready to admit that I have a problem with suboxone and it's time to start tapering off of this medication. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The first step is the hardest step. But, it's also the most important step. I am powerless over these substances. Fortunately, I believe in a higher power than myself that can help me remove these substances from myself. Brutal honesty is essential if I want to live a life in recovery, which is something that I have been striving for this past year. AND, I have done a dang good job at recovery this past year. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I am so grateful for my recovery journey. This is just a bump in the road. This is a growing and learning experience. This has taught me even more about myself and what lies ahead in my recovery journey. I know I can do this. It's all about taking the first step.</span></div>
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<br />Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-17208237878657937372014-11-25T23:27:00.000-08:002014-11-25T23:27:04.459-08:00Giving My Life to Recovery<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">So, I have recently begun working as an intern for an out patient drug and alcohol treatment program. Most of our clients are people who were recently in residential care and step down to coming to group therapy three evenings a week in our program. Some were able to just start doing outpatient work without the needs of residential care. This type of treatment is fun, because our clients are celebrating every day the fact that they are still sober in the "real world". This can also be very hard, because we see quite a bit of our clients relapse in their early recovery while they are trying to figure out life in recovery. I relapsed right out of being in the house, so I know exactly what they are going through. Early recovery is the worst.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I have had a moment of enlightenment as I have observed different clients who are killin it in their recovery and others who continually fall and get back up. I really think it boils down to this simple fact: When I was in my active addiction, there were multiple times where I overdosed and almost lost my life to this disease. I was simply willing to give my actual life for my addiction. Not only did I exclude myself from loving relationships, I wasn't dependable, I was beginning to lose it all. I was literally living from one high to the next. So not only was I willing to die for drugs, I wasn't even necessarily living due to the amount of energy I put towards using. My life was dedicated to my addiction.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I think in recovery, we have to use this same mind set. If I was willing to go as far as dying for my addiction, then I need to be willing to live for my recovery. Give my entire life to this. This isn't easy. This means finding reasons to fight for my life every single day and not go back. The hardest part is just simply deciding that I am worth it and deserve it. I have never felt that before. I was so caught up in this insane shame cycle, that I was unable to love myself enough to change and stop these behaviors. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I think the people who are successful in recovery have put all of their energy and efforts towards living for their recovery. I see that with those who have been in recovery for years and years and still show up for their recovery. They don't just talk about what they should do or need to do, they actually do it and give it their all. They are open to advice and suggestion constantly. They follow advice and humble themselves to the fact that they are powerless to this disease, but they 100% have the power of their recovery, and they live accordingly. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Even though it sucks sometimes, I am still fighting like hell each and every day. I still fear my addiction and the fact that it is a relapse prone disease. I fight every day as if I am fighting for my life...because I literally am fighting for my life and getting my life back. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">This can apply to any behavior that needs to change. Don't just talk about what needs to change and what you SHOULD do. You won't get very far. FIGHT for change and what you want. Give your entire life to that fight, starting with daily habits. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Anyway, just some thoughts this week as I have tried to figure out why some people make it and some don't. Complacency is my biggest enemy and the biggest enemy of every addict who has committed to a new life. Continually moving forward and being humble enough to recognize weaknesses and change them, no matter how hard it is or how much they don't want to. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Some Pics From A Couple Weeks Ago: </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Fit to Recover had their first bootcamp at the new gym. Here is a solid group of people giving their lives to recovery and making it happen. This is the strongest group of people I know!</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
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The women of FTR are some of the most amazing women I have ever had the chance to know. They lift me up and carry me on their backs when I don't know if I can move forward.<br />
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Erica and I needed to get out of town one weekend, so we went to Park City and had a girl's weekend. Erica has been a huge strength to me of recovery. I met her while I was in treatment and have looked up to her ever since!<br />
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Canyon's spa is BOSS!<br />
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I'm actually super stoked on beanie season and hittin the Bird!<br />
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While we were up there, we went to see Richie. Richie was in treatment with me and has been a constant support to me all year. He's crushing it!</div>
</span>Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-88372726075687693112014-11-08T11:47:00.001-08:002014-11-08T11:47:51.022-08:00Death Anniversary<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">The past week or two has been such a strange range of emotions for me. It's so crazy to think that a year ago everything went down, I hit my rock bottom, and I decided to go to residential treatment for my addiction. I walked into treatment with an honest belief that I would forever be an addict and there was absolutely no possible way that I would ever be in long term recovery from my addiction. I had tried so many times on my own, and literally accepted the fact that I would be a chronic relapser.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">After I got out of treatment, I had two relapses. The thing about those relapses is that they were both so different than the other times that I would commit to sobriety and relapse. This time, I sincerely wanted to be sober and didn't get the same euphoria or pleasure that I used to get when I took pills. I actually just straight up blacked out as soon as they were in my system. They provided nothing for me like they once had.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">That means, the death of my addiction occurred exactly one year ago. I had always looked forward to this milestone and believed that I would feel so much joy and happiness that I had accomplished and entire year of sobriety. That feeling is definitely there. I am so glad that I decided to get treatment a year ago and have been able to stay sober and enjoy my new life. That feeling is definitely there for me. I am very humble and grateful to make it through my first year of recovery.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">At the same time, I feel like I am going through the process of grieving a death anniversary. It is the strangest thing and it's something that I have really pondered. Pills, for 8 years of my life, were my one true love. They were there for me when I experienced every emotion. But, they mostly served me when I was depressed and sad and could not cope with my life. I always had pills to comfort me in those dark times, as twisted as that sounds. I was also unable to have any other intimate or committed relationships, because of my deep love for pills. They were my number 1 best friend and lover. While I am glad they are out of my life, I can't ignore the fact that some grieving happens when I decided to get out of that dysfunctional relationship and move forward with a new life in recovery. It's the strangest thing. That love was real for me and it was extremely hard to give it up, just like escaping an abusive relationship. In many ways, the pills served me and made life bearable when I didn't have the coping skills that I learned through treatment and therapy. That's why the relapses that happened after treatment were different, because they no longer served me like they had in the years past. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Anyway, those some of my thoughts this last week as I have had these different feelings blow my mind. After a year of looking forward to this anniversary, I never expected myself to feel these feelings of grief as well. I think sometimes people in recovery only focus on how great life is in recovery, but they might not give a voice to how difficult it is to let go of the addiction and let go of that intimate relationship that occurs when you become addicted. I think it's important to give a voice to everything, because then I don't have any secrets that I am trying to keep about my feelings that come up when I do get triggered or crave that feeling of euphoria. Those feelings are just a real and deserve to be acknowledged. </span></div>
Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-17931872954289891992014-11-02T00:11:00.003-07:002014-11-02T00:11:54.046-07:00361 Media Preview<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//player.vimeo.com/video/108619936?title=0&byline=0" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe> <br />
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<a href="http://vimeo.com/108619936">361 - Kelli Preview</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/hope361">Max Forrest</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">A few months ago, I had the opportunity to get interviewed by 361 Media. 361 Media is a company that is dedicated to sharing stories about addiction and recovery from the addict's perspective and their family's perspective. The people who founded this company are also in recovery and felt it was important to share these stories of hope for people who are currently struggling with addiction in their lives or their families. They are launching the full videos this winter, but this is a preview of my story. I think it's awesome that these stories are being shared so that the stigma of addiction can be challenged. Addiction is affecting everyone in one way or another, yet it is not being talked about. The root of all addiction is shame, yet the stigma perpetuates further shame. People are struggling in secret, which further perpetuates the problem. Something I am very passionate about is spreading the message that this is an epidemic and public health crisis that needs to be talked about and this video campaign is just that. I am filled with gratitude that these secrets didn't kill me in an environment that was very hard to survive with all of the stigma surrounding this disease and the secrets that almost killed me because of all of the shame I had about my problem. I felt so liberated and free the day that I first posted about my addiction and my heart goes out to those who suffer in secret. I will forever spread the message if that means I can help save lives in the future by diminishing the stigma and talking about this epidemic that is killing more people in Utah than car crashes. </span></div>
Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-40228077828637221142014-10-29T22:22:00.004-07:002014-10-29T22:29:22.236-07:00One Year Ago- An Inside Job<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">To start- Turn on "Greater" by MercyMe</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Pictures are worth 1000 words: </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Exactly one year ago from now: No twinkle in my eyes whatsoever. Dead inside and not willing to reach out for help.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">In my active addiction:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Constantly passed out, unengaged in life.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Down to 110 pounds from eating pills all day instead of food. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Super unhealthy. Withering away.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Just Existing.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">My Life in Recovery:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGtJ0X9Bq2Q99FLT5JVBzrvY1_YFFEBZexJO3BIb8O5MJLVYNuDaptFYIIAN9gq_4JjuA5TrO9zGbdXyjNWTqhGAPWcNU5DZ5lo2wWorMP4pTq2wM4T8zJ-EqTq_PEvXluwTb6-Bgjo0E/s1600/IMG_2647.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGtJ0X9Bq2Q99FLT5JVBzrvY1_YFFEBZexJO3BIb8O5MJLVYNuDaptFYIIAN9gq_4JjuA5TrO9zGbdXyjNWTqhGAPWcNU5DZ5lo2wWorMP4pTq2wM4T8zJ-EqTq_PEvXluwTb6-Bgjo0E/s1600/IMG_2647.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Doing the things I love</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Surrounded by LOVE</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Healthy and happy</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Enjoying life</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Surrounding myself with strong women in recovery</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Going on climbing trips with people in recovery</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyomW8ijv0CYX01Kst4QLU1wXcyHkmHjyvnFNDczuN-adUpQ2zF3n9Hn4t8ONahMgEWMgtg3B88lNKv-24Ex0ta8xNXVCDWAHM50TpYcroWpYh27vCbMpEEvubChc8pI-6d1WyD7nCXqM/s1600/IMG_3734.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyomW8ijv0CYX01Kst4QLU1wXcyHkmHjyvnFNDczuN-adUpQ2zF3n9Hn4t8ONahMgEWMgtg3B88lNKv-24Ex0ta8xNXVCDWAHM50TpYcroWpYh27vCbMpEEvubChc8pI-6d1WyD7nCXqM/s1600/IMG_3734.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">A part of the recovery community, doing what I love, and staying healthy while sharing my recovery with others</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Exactly one year ago, after a pretty traumatic relapse, my Therapist convinced me to go with her and my sister to a place called Turning Point and speak with the Admissions Director. We met with him and toured the facility. The whole time I was rude, distracted, and belligerent. I was hell bent on refusing to be locked up in a treatment facility. I didn't think my problem was "that bad" and I could fix it on my own without going to treatment. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">As I reflect on that, I can't help but think about the difference in the two paths. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Where I would be without treatment: </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Likely Dead</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Dealing with DUI or other drug charges</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">In Jail or Prison</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Estranged from all family and friends</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Out of a job</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Homeless</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Dealing with severe health problems</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Suicidal, Depressed, Anxious, and a bunch of other mental illnesses</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Unhappy and empty inside</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Spiritually Empty</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">No meaning or purpose in my life</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Where I am Today: </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Going to school to become a counselor</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">An intern counselor at Turning Point</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Have a great job at Chase Bank</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Involved in an amazing community with Fit to Recover</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Sharing my story and message (I interviewed with Channel 2 news tonight- stay tuned on the air date)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Engaged in healthy relationships</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Continuing to learn more about my weakness and strengthening them</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Close with my family</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Living a life of purpose and meaning</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">No longer in chronic back and neck pain</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Truly at peace and happy</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">What a contrast huh!? I am glad that God intervened in my life and brought me to my knees. This gave me the humility I needed to accept that I had an addiction and needed the proper treatment to put it into remission. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">One thing I want to always remember is that life will always get better. Change involves humility and self work. Without putting in the work, we can never expect change to happen in our lives. Happiness is an inside job. It doesn't come from anything on the outside or any amount of money or success like I had always believed. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I believe the secret to engaging in a happy and peaceful life is humility. This is a trait that is unnatural to man. Luckily, I believe that since we are children of God and humility is a spiritual trait we can inherit through him. God will continually give his children the opportunities to become humble and submit to his plan for us through our trials and triumphs. He knows our potential and the more that we remember this, he will guide us as long as we remain humble and teachable in the trials that he gives us. Humility is a powerful driver in all change. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Two years ago, I lived with blinders on. I didn't see the negative beliefs that were driving my self destructive behaviors- both addiction and other behaviors that were not serving me or my life. I didn't think I had any problems or issues that I couldn't change if I had enough will power. I just needed to be stronger. I didn't notice my weaknesses, because I wasn't open to them. Now, I am continually recognizing weaknesses that are causing me to live less than optimal. Once these weaknesses are brought into my awareness, I am now able to recognize the core issues that are driving them and work on those issues to change my behaviors. It has been truly amazing. This is all because I have been able to be humble enough to recognize that I am never going to be in a place where I won't need to be working on myself. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">It's crazy to see how far I have come as I have engaged in recovery and learned believe that I truly am worth it and deserve peace and happiness.</span></div>
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Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-71310949289893417022014-10-18T09:10:00.000-07:002014-10-18T09:10:24.702-07:00The New Job!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Alright, let's talk about the new gig. So...when I left my last job, the intention was actually to go back a few months later after I dealt with my medical issues that were causing me to miss quite a bit of work. Well...things there didn't end very well and I actually was burned out from mortgage lending in general. I started looking for low key jobs while I was going to school. I was actually just planning on being like a teller or something chill and making no money for the next year. Well...then then Mortgage Lending Manager for Utah at Chase Bank called me and wanted to meet with me. After the first interview, I was very impressed and very interested in continuing the interview process with Chase. I honestly didn't think that I had a chance since they normally hire people with 10 or more years of experience in the industry, but I continued to interview. Six interviews later, I was finally given a solid offer at Chase. So, now I cover two Chase branches in Utah. I cover the Fashion Place Branch (it's really not good to be working so close to the Loft two days a week..) and I will be at the District in South Jordan three times a week. I am really excited for this opportunity. I am working for such an awesome bank, don't have to work in a phone bank anymore, and I have the flexibility to work anywhere since they gave me a work laptop to work out of. Also, I am the youngest on my Utah team by like 10 years. At first I was intimidated by this, but now I see it as a great compliment that my boss saw something in me that he normally sees in people with much more work and life experience. I look forward to working for such a large bank and having solid lead sources. So...that's the plan! I see myself being here for quite awhile. Even though I am also going to school to be a counselor, if things work out here, I will most likely stay here and do some addiction counseling on the side for the time being. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Now for pictures:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU-7bJ3CSvP4xQQ0jMBDx97bzGVHt2DcTnwykOsQOXTvW9yCaCoZxX0PnMXA7DoAa_BhlVWfd_TMXzWfEr4lwtChp1Sx-dJZmiQMH0RGNqGg105-TN7CA-UDRHJ8QoLQSNWm3fdTnZar4/s1600/IMG_3620.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU-7bJ3CSvP4xQQ0jMBDx97bzGVHt2DcTnwykOsQOXTvW9yCaCoZxX0PnMXA7DoAa_BhlVWfd_TMXzWfEr4lwtChp1Sx-dJZmiQMH0RGNqGg105-TN7CA-UDRHJ8QoLQSNWm3fdTnZar4/s1600/IMG_3620.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">After a month of interviews, I was stoked to get this letter! After this, it took another month of background checks and what not before I got to start. Gotta love those big banks.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGaWh3wwNP1CW4mPShQ9lWphYZPRuMwV7cmy2-0B-_NIEfpGXc0OO1aCOvrDCEgNTZyIwvfYp7QYDY41ZsTifeoMYlkCgUq77vltR_khtSoF1HAWj3VOz2OekT-evOdDkbGNe2jBNPCgc/s1600/IMG_3834.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGaWh3wwNP1CW4mPShQ9lWphYZPRuMwV7cmy2-0B-_NIEfpGXc0OO1aCOvrDCEgNTZyIwvfYp7QYDY41ZsTifeoMYlkCgUq77vltR_khtSoF1HAWj3VOz2OekT-evOdDkbGNe2jBNPCgc/s1600/IMG_3834.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I went to my sister's during Conference and Rylie was playing on my phone. After she gave it back, I had like 50 selfies of Rylie. Love that kid. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Worst part of my job: I don't get to wear all my cute clothes from the Loft! Grrrr</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I will now have my credit cards and license with me wherever I go. Stupid thieves. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Is there really anything better than wearing flannel and drinking pumpkin spice hot chocolate? Nope. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">This kid is a gameaholic. I went over one night to say Hi and got roped into all sorts of games and puzzles!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I had to go to Chicago this week for training. I got sick the day before and was throwing up all week. It was awful traveling sick. What made it even worse? The kid in the plane that screamed bloody murder for the ENTIRE flight. I really considered killing him.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">And here's the official Chase headshot.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">One thing about working for such a big bank? LOTS of Conference calls. So...I figured I might as well paint my nails to get through the call!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">These are the Chase stats. Pretty amazing!</span></div>
Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-68230659001469706042014-09-30T21:04:00.007-07:002014-09-30T21:04:57.154-07:00Katy Perry Concert!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Yesterday, after work, I hit up the Katy Perry concert with my Mom, Katie, and Melissa. It was awesome! We have waited a LONG time for this concert. I remember last January, I was just out of treatment when my sister called to tell me that she got us Katy Perry tickets for the fall. I remember thinking that I probably wouldn't make it to the concert and still be sober. I was still in the thinking mode that I would probably be dead any day. It's crazy to think about that and look back over the past few months and see how different my perspective is today. I am so grateful for sobriety and the opportunities that I am getting as a result of this new life I have created. I am slammed with work and school and all of the other craziness of life, but I can't help but be grateful that recovery has lead me to all of these amazing opportunities that I never would have thought were possible a year ago. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">In other iphone picture news...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">My parents and I went here when we were in St. George and it's amazing! Lo and Behold...there's one right by my house!! Who wants to come up and go to breakfast with me?!?!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Now, rebelling consists of wearing a U shirt at my parents house. Seems harmless compared to other ways I have rebelled in the past!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Last weekend, we had a girls night and watched the Women's conference. Afterwards, we played Bingo. Rylie was my teammate ;-)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">On Sunday, I decided to be all nostalgic and do stadiums at my old high school. So many great memories came back to me!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Chase has much higher dress code standards than I would like. I will only be seen in blue preppy shirts for the next year at the very least. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Good thing I work at the Fashion Place location and the Loft had a sale. Double win!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">These are all the pics from the concert. So much fun!!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I just finished up my midterms. I can't believe I am halfway through the semester!</span></div>
Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-5384242244495881872014-09-27T13:05:00.002-07:002014-09-27T13:05:51.037-07:00Time To Catch Up<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">So it's been almost a month since I last posted on here. I was doing so good there for a little bit! So, I am going to catch you up on my ever so exciting life by dumping a million iphone pics on you! Enjoy!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">First: I went on an amazing Labor Day weekend camping trip up to Rock City in Idaho with some of my all time favorite friends!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">We climbed to the top of that 400 foot mountain. It was rad. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Shout out to Erica for being a boss at starting fires!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I'm really loving this climbing stuff. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Second, I have loved all of the trail running this summer. I would be sad that it's ending, but I am stoked to snowboard this winter!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Bell Canyon Reservoir</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX46Zqtb62Z79OXV3_AvovnfJMvxSLXuSEBdTBMmdgRERf9p6CSsn0gGBRBXHXH5C3_ZawfeiRX3htuE3ErNgg8uPdUHsMa8GRiFiUPOH4EVpeyeEhtQGO8tEm0lp9ogsq8R5bJ2bJuS4/s1600/IMG_3582.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX46Zqtb62Z79OXV3_AvovnfJMvxSLXuSEBdTBMmdgRERf9p6CSsn0gGBRBXHXH5C3_ZawfeiRX3htuE3ErNgg8uPdUHsMa8GRiFiUPOH4EVpeyeEhtQGO8tEm0lp9ogsq8R5bJ2bJuS4/s1600/IMG_3582.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I'm all about reppin my favorite community EVER: Fit To Recover</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Next, I came down from a trail run and found this: my window shattered and my credit cards stolen along with a gym bag. I have terrible luck. Two robberies in a single year. YIKES!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">So frustrating!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Little Miss Charlee has been my best buddy lately, even though she refuses to take pictures!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I started my job at Chase as a Mortgage Banker. I will be covering two branches in Salt Lake Valley. I am stoked for this opportunity after going through SIX interviews and then the entire offer approval process. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I feel like this is my first actual real person job. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">We got Char some Hello Kitty "Posicles" That's how I win over children's hearts.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">We have a fire pit in my parent's backyard and love to make s'mores on Sunday nights. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">She would only let me take a picture of her if she could pose with her dolly. Still couldn't convince her to smile though!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">This semester is almost halfway over! I'm pretty OCD about my notes/assignment organization!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I got a new daily meditation book and this is what it said on my Sobriety date. Pretty crazy!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I went down to St. George with my parents for one last weekend before I get insanely busy between work, school, and my internship. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Whenever I can, I try to support the Fit To Recover movement. We do stuff almost every day. On Mondays, we have a group and a run. On Wednesdays, we do circuit training. On Thursdays, there's a women's only group. On Saturdays, there's a bootcamp. Come support the movement with me!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">First day of work was this week. My wardrobe from DC is coming back! Pencil skirts and high heels are my new work clothes! I'm going to miss casual days for sure. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Shout out to one of my top ten favorite people: Dana!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Fit to Recover was on the news this week. This movement is gaining A LOT of traction lately. It's fun to be a part of something that is going to help hundreds of people stay sober. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I am so glad I no longer have a tiny cubical. I am actually important enough to have my own office!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">So there you go! My month in review! I will try to be better about posting on here. Whenever I get a couple of weeks behind, the task feels so daunting to try and catch up! I need a nap now!</span></div>
Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-19475707541247556572014-08-28T01:32:00.001-07:002014-08-28T01:32:06.820-07:00Pictures of My Day<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I am back to loving unemployed life. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Today was AWESOME. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I started the morning with a hike up to Bell Reservoir, had my FIFTH interview with Chase, then volunteered at Turning Point Centers, then got to see my cute nieces and nephew, then got a massage, then got to see my old time best pal Jessa. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I don't think I ever want to work again (until tomorrow probably)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Remember how jacked my hand was when the glass came out?? It's all healed!!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Our Rad Hike</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">The Lake at the TOP</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Charlee is my best friend when she comes over. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Then she wanted to take her own pictures</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I would just like to point out how strong my arm is getting! Thanks to Fit To Recover!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Charlee wanted to look like me haha</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I got a new harness and shoes for our sweet Labor Day Weekend trip up to Rock City!!</span></div>
Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-57298191544264452712014-08-26T14:12:00.003-07:002014-08-26T14:12:59.332-07:00Back To School<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Well, today is the day. I head back to school. It feels so weird to be a student again. I honestly don't know what to think about it. I haven't sat in a classroom for 3 years, and those 3 years have been LOOONG years. So much has changed. I'm not in that mindset yet. I am so used to having my nights free, and now two nights a week, I will be in a classroom. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I am super stoked to be able to chase my dreams. I am actually really lucky that I made it into the program that I did. I wasn't supposed to be able to start the program until I was 3 years sober, yet here I am at 7 months sober. I am so excited to learn more about addiction and recovery. I feel that this experience will enhance my recovery journey and I will be able to give back in more ways than I already have. I really believe the best addiction counselors are addicts in recovery. It adds a layer of understanding and empathy. I have been able to teach a few groups at my old treatment center, and I love being able to be an example to the clients in there and show them what recovery really looks like. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">So...here we go. Off into the unknown. I am sure it will be a wild ride, but I am ready!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">This is my "I'm gonna kill it" face. Definitely appropriate for today. PS- I haven't thrown up in a week! The medication I am on seems to be working! Holla!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Last night, I went climbing with a couple friends who are also in recovery. I love being around friends who are in the same boat. There's just a level of authenticity that recovering addicts have that is hard to find. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Wish me luck!</span></div>
Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-32589939724246231692014-08-25T10:54:00.001-07:002014-08-25T10:57:48.562-07:00Finding Community In Recovery<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG89xv7gMUKBG94z21HLbgUi1y4oluULbt-Bv8NC6-jiH3aacI1p-vT_nIzOcrW1pEqan4m2J3mADMB1ZtRB1SUODXuLrIeaIjQ06oud0uYLcpe7ptn4stIHAM4KZ61eKugJBZnshQfPY/s1600/FTR2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG89xv7gMUKBG94z21HLbgUi1y4oluULbt-Bv8NC6-jiH3aacI1p-vT_nIzOcrW1pEqan4m2J3mADMB1ZtRB1SUODXuLrIeaIjQ06oud0uYLcpe7ptn4stIHAM4KZ61eKugJBZnshQfPY/s1600/FTR2.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">This is the Fit To Recover Women's Group that meets every Thursday evening. A great group of women who are all strong in recovery and offer great support for one another. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqXXPu0K0Bn3FfCDAapf-4EfgCXpgNomOuobaXMG2iInDNVFcwPOssjCn2UqEQn_jspIN9G9jNTCxwhL1IR8ZDTDRkOWpGUq9ht4lDjHPPFhTSqnEPy15GKWJhOw0WpvfmDn91wnD1RG0/s1600/FTR.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqXXPu0K0Bn3FfCDAapf-4EfgCXpgNomOuobaXMG2iInDNVFcwPOssjCn2UqEQn_jspIN9G9jNTCxwhL1IR8ZDTDRkOWpGUq9ht4lDjHPPFhTSqnEPy15GKWJhOw0WpvfmDn91wnD1RG0/s1600/FTR.JPG" height="488" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">This is the Fit To Recover Bootcamp that is held every Saturday morning. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">These past few months of summer, I have really reached outside of my comfort zone. I am a very reserved person and I don't normally go to social activities alone, but I felt like I needed to find a sense of community within my recovery. I think that being a part of the recovery community in SLC has drastically changed my recovery for the better. When I felt all alone in my recovery the first few months after I got out of treatment, I almost like an outcast of society. I had lost a lot of friends during the intense times of my addiction and didn't really have a solid group of friends in SLC. I really questioned how long I could stay in recovery without any support besides my weekly therapy visits. Now, I go to at least 2 groups per week, visit my therapist, and volunteer at the treatment center I went through. This has given me a sense of belonging. I don't feel like I am trying to do this all on my own anymore, I am doing it with an incredible group of human beings. People in recovery are my favorite people. You don't have to worry about cliques, fake people, judgmental people, etc. There's no right or wrong way in recovery. I love being able to feel authentic and vulnerable and feel the support from others who are going through the same thing. Being in recovery has made me a better person in so many aspects of my life. I find myself feeling so much gratitude each day to be able to be a stronger and better person. If I didn't have an addiction, I wouldn't have this time of my life where I can really reach inside and strengthen my weaknesses and offer the world a stronger, more compassionate, courageous, and overall better human being than I ever believed was possible. </span></div>
Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-34526705522274334102014-08-24T18:56:00.004-07:002014-08-24T18:56:46.901-07:00Welcome Baby Kylie<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">This week, my sixth niece was born on August 19th. Shawn and Candy had their 3rd child.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Introducing Kylie Young. We couldn't be more excited to have another princess to spoil!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPT7gef9mNCwLOiTJCA_OU4wxmf4NVht1xPRavBbTaJ4DOHwOXb-Qu2mJfw7LAE50qEDWn27bQp28R8qaOt4UJkwBo34JGp8Gri3V_gcJU4BN7Hr38nW2iZDShxKjX6FfsmWD101eje8w/s1600/Kylie2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPT7gef9mNCwLOiTJCA_OU4wxmf4NVht1xPRavBbTaJ4DOHwOXb-Qu2mJfw7LAE50qEDWn27bQp28R8qaOt4UJkwBo34JGp8Gri3V_gcJU4BN7Hr38nW2iZDShxKjX6FfsmWD101eje8w/s1600/Kylie2.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5EYCplzQmnP97VIuFDJpAuXn1fUXfspHmByeyERkglgbTYJQD5LFiTrnPJkMW_275GdrYTk4Zl55wFdxPpMWF0ggtj_FP64O4nAqDZK7NO_H2DrsJBjrjzq-Xa1cJr6tXsR7vdUd7kFU/s1600/Kylie5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5EYCplzQmnP97VIuFDJpAuXn1fUXfspHmByeyERkglgbTYJQD5LFiTrnPJkMW_275GdrYTk4Zl55wFdxPpMWF0ggtj_FP64O4nAqDZK7NO_H2DrsJBjrjzq-Xa1cJr6tXsR7vdUd7kFU/s1600/Kylie5.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-35388804192633977742014-08-22T15:16:00.002-07:002014-08-22T15:16:33.238-07:00Workout Mix<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1swIlDH6iqaIL4JbMrIJTA3HYZoLdHcOyp9aSMbdNisUYwAAM1SX7dc886l9Msd6SypO3eEnT9hvjCoxcpxOmrVpso9Z238xft2iQlY5432ynsvbsU_miU_pTmPiNRLYqCpAKxfCVJbc/s1600/IMG_3422.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1swIlDH6iqaIL4JbMrIJTA3HYZoLdHcOyp9aSMbdNisUYwAAM1SX7dc886l9Msd6SypO3eEnT9hvjCoxcpxOmrVpso9Z238xft2iQlY5432ynsvbsU_miU_pTmPiNRLYqCpAKxfCVJbc/s1600/IMG_3422.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">People always ask me for good songs to workout to, so I decided to post it on the blog for anyone who needs to update their workout jams. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Here is a list of songs I have been working out to lately: </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">1. Beating Heart- Ellie Goulding</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">2. Bad Blood- Bastille</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">3. Trumpets- Jason Derulo</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">4. Loud- Mac Miller</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">5. And We Danced- Macklemore</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">6. Maps- Maroon Five</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">7. Gold- Macklemore</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">8. Shake it Out- Florence and the Machine</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">9. Sunshine- Matisyahu</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">10. Hall of Fame- The Script</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">11. Demons- Imagine Dragon</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">12. Cinema- Skrillex</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">13. Young Blood- The Naked and Famous</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">14. Timber- Pitbull</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">15. Pompeii- Bastille</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">16. Burn- Ellie Goulding</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">17. Monster- Imagine Dragons</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">18. Sweetness- Jimmy Eat World</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">19. Damage- Jimmy Eat World</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">20. Castle of Glass- Linkin Park</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">21. Alone Together- Fall Out Boy</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">22. Hey Brother- Avicii</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">23. We Weren't Born To Follow- Bon Jovi</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">24. On Top Of The World- Imagine Dragons</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">25. Summer- Calvin Harris</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">26. Victory Lap- Macklemore</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">27. The Catalyst- Linkin Park</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">28. No Light, No Light- Florence & The Machine</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">29. Feel This Moment- Pitbull</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">30. The Great Escape (Cool Down)- Pink</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Check them out! You can thank me by adding these to your playlist and go for a run!</span></div>
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Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-21857015468519576162014-08-21T19:24:00.001-07:002014-08-21T19:24:54.413-07:00Relationship Vacation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">People always want to know how my love life is going. Well, lately I have responded by telling people that I am on "Sabbatical" from dating and relationships. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I believe that the first year that someone becomes sober is a time when relationships should be put on the back burner. The first year of recovery is an opportunity for someone to really work on themselves and fine tune their lives. I feel very fortunate to be in recovery and give myself the time and attention that I need to heal my mind, body, and spirit. When someone is in the "dark days" of their addiction, their mind, body, and spirit are severely wounded. Being in recovery has allowed me to really take a look at myself and the core beliefs that I have about myself and really work on those things. The first year of recovery is hard enough, and if I threw a relationship on top of that, I would be in a very vulnerable place to relapse. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I strongly believe that love and relationships will come when the time is right. I don't believe the first year of recovery is the right time. I need to make sure that I am okay with myself, before putting myself in a vulnerable place with another person. Relationships complicate life, and I believe a person really needs to work on their own issues before adding another person to the mix. I feel like this will make my future relationships so much better. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">When I first got sober, my therapist told me something that I strongly believe today. She told me that everyone, in their adult life, needs to learn how to be alone. I used to be terrified of being alone. I thought that being in a relationship was the only way to be happy. I was DEAD WRONG. Now, 7 months later, I can sit in silence with myself and be okay. I have learned to love myself. I have learned what I want and don't want in my life. I have learned what I want in a future companion. I have learned how to be okay in my own head. These are all lessons that I feel someone should learn before adding another human being into their life. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Love will come. A family will come. But the best way to insure a happy future with a companion is by making sure that I am strong on my own without any one else. I need to create the life that I want for myself, and when the time is right, another person will fit into that life that I have already created. </span></div>
Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-88088591437810920492014-08-20T10:46:00.001-07:002014-08-20T10:51:23.556-07:00Fit To Recover<iframe frameborder="0" height="445px" scrolling="no" src="https://www.indiegogo.com/project/fit-to-recover-salt-lake-city-s-only-sober-gym/embedded" width="222px"></iframe>
Friends: please watch, share, and donate to this cause. Fit to Recover is an amazing cause to be a part of. Up until the last few months, I felt alone in my recovery. I questioned my long term sobriety. I knew that I wanted to get involved, but I didn't know how. Then, I got introduced to the Founder of Fit to Recover, Ian Acker. He invited me to come out to his bootcamp and weekly process group/run. I started coming, even though it felt uncomfortable to reach outside of my comfort zone. After going just once, I felt like I belonged to something great. I was excited to go back. This cause is exactly what Salt Lake City needs. Please take some time to watch and donate just $10 if possible. If you can't donate, then share. Or do both!Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-1210657608074393482014-08-19T16:51:00.001-07:002014-08-19T16:51:10.180-07:00Spiritual Recovery<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCnSezNwRvvdpEmscj9OHMs6OPmXTkcuZFE4EKJaL9jghjY_Ug2YYnU-7yDPvzmD_ye8ZleG7ATbFQOHEbMQms4IQssaKeDxApRsSqm6gkpZs-YLOdIfkXK8EJi8Ky52hIKxO5V5MywdE/s1600/IMG_3410.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCnSezNwRvvdpEmscj9OHMs6OPmXTkcuZFE4EKJaL9jghjY_Ug2YYnU-7yDPvzmD_ye8ZleG7ATbFQOHEbMQms4IQssaKeDxApRsSqm6gkpZs-YLOdIfkXK8EJi8Ky52hIKxO5V5MywdE/s1600/IMG_3410.JPG" height="640" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Today, my Therapist told me something that has invoked quite a bit of thought on my end. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">She told me that addiction is a spiritual destroying disease, therefore recovery is a spiritual builiding journey. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Throughout 2013, I remember thinking constantly that I was dead inside. Going to a psychiatric hospital in January of 2013 broke me spiritually. There are still so many feelings I have about that experience. It was very traumatic to say the least. After that, I felt that God was dead. God didn't exist, and if he did, he didn't love me. My spirit was completely broken and I didn't know how to gain that part of me back. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I have always felt that even if I am not a super religious person, it's still very important to involve God and spirituality into my life. A year ago, I had no spirituality at all. As I have healed from the inside out, I have learned what spirituality means for me. Spirituality means assigning meaning to life. It is what gives us purpose. That can come in many forms, but I believe the greatest lesson that I can learn from this spiritually defining experience is that everything that we experience has meaning. I can assign meaning to even the simplest things in life, and that allows my spirit to grow and change and evolve as I change. I am going to work on building my spirituality as I continue down my sober journey. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">It's amazing how much this experience has defined and changed me. A year ago, I honestly never thought I would be happy. I thought God was dead. I was completely lost. As I have healed and changed, I honestly can't imagine going through this life without meaning or believing in a higher power to help heal me. I never want to be destroyed by addiction ever again. I never want to feel that low. I believe the best way to ensure that I don't wind up down that path again is by building my spiritual side and living a life of faith and meaning, whatever that looks like for me. </span></div>
Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3488919377525800092.post-4113820681675981832014-08-18T12:16:00.002-07:002014-08-18T12:16:39.102-07:00Park City<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Unfortunately, I didn't get to race in the Park City Half this last weekend. I am so frustrated with my mystery disease. I was throwing up Thursday/Friday and didn't think it would be the best idea to put my body through a Half Marathon after that. So, instead, we just enjoyed the "Runcation" without the Run part. SO....just a normal vacation! We hit up the shopping, went the "The Giver", ate too much food, played games, slept, and went to the Farmer's Market. A quality weekend!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">This is my last week of summer before school starts and I feel really weird about starting school again next week. My life is about to get crazy with classes twice a week in 5 hour blocks, an internship, and a job whenever I find a good fit!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Here's some pics from the weekend with my cute mama!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Guys, this just got real. In a year, I will be a Substance Abuse Counselor. What?! So exciting!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I made my mom go to the Giver with me since this was my favorite book as a kid. After watching it, I have no idea how a 10 year old kid understood this story. Mind blowing!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Shoppin with my mama. Yes, it was actually jacket weather at some points this weekend. Not gonna lie, I am getting the itch to go snowboarding BIG TIME!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">My friend suggested I try "oil pulling" as a way to detox my body since I've been so sick lately. It was so weird, but I am willing to try anything!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">The hardest part was sitting in a room 5 feet away from my mom and not talking for 20 whole minutes!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I really hope this helps!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Sunday Farmer's Market in Park City is a one of a kind experience!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">There were some golden treasures hidden in this place!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Headed home after a quality weekend with Cath! I love getting out of town with my mom. We have some great memories together!</span></div>
Kelli Juliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11545521706592084240noreply@blogger.com0