Monday, October 5, 2015

Life In The Sexy Lane 2.0

Well Hello! Welcome back to Life In The Sexy Lane 2.0! It has been a long while since I have posted on here. I needed some time away to get myself and my life back together. While I love posting and sharing on this blog, there is also a constant juggle that I feel between wanting to be real and genuine, but also wanting to show up and be strong and show my better side or share the better parts of life. Sometimes, especially when you feel like you are completely lost or broken, it can get hard to post because those are parts of myself that I have a hard time acknowledging to myself- let alone people who read this blog. I have always prided this blog as being real and genuine to who I am and what I am going through, but sometimes when life itself feels as though it is blowing up all around me, I tend to disconnect. I disconnect from myself, my loved ones, and my life. I begin to just show up and go through the motions without feeling any emotions or enjoyment in my life. So when I started relapsing last January, I didn't want to admit it on my blog for many reasons. I wanted to show my strength in my recovery, not my weakness in my addiction. Sometimes there is a fine line between being genuine and being too vulnerable in an inappropriate public setting. I didn't want to lose my internship or get kicked out of my school program because I wanted to work in recovery despite the fact that I was not in a stable enough place to be working in or planning to work in recovery when I wasn't in a solid place in my own recovery. And honestly, I just didn't want to start the whole recovery thing all over again. Needless to say, the last six months there have been some drastic changes such as dropping out of my school program and not completing my internship hours. Starting an IOP treatment program and relapsing so I had to take 6 weeks off of work to do a day treatment program. And since then, practicing what I have learned and really work on myself and my recovery which required a lot more private journaling rather than public blogging. That being said, I have really missed this blog. It has been a great way for me to emotionally connect and become vulnerable. It allows me to express and share myself. And the best part, it allows me to connect with so many others who decide to share their story of struggle and find a small glimmer of hope in their own pain. I can't promise a blog post every day like I have in the past, but I do want to start sharing again and I feel like now it is the right time and I am in the right place to begin to post again. I hope to share with you my struggles, victories, comedies, and the interworks or how my brain randomly operates moving forward. 

So, moving forward....let's go through some pictures/highlights from this last summer...

We got some rock climbing in

We bought this girl her first pair of roller skates

This little one literally grew up right in front of our eyes

My parents and I spent a brisk Memorial Day weekend up in Park City

I got my favorite pair of summer sandals

Charlee in now enrolled Grandpa Davy's Hunting Recruiting club

I finished my first year at Chase Bank by accomplishing all of my first year goals 

Grandpa took the kids fishing

These were by far a summer favorite treat

So many Sunday afternoons with the littles

And every Sunday was a new adventure

The week after my relapse, I got into Golfing as a way to support my recovery. My first two games, I got birdies...haven't gotten one since. I took lessons and probably played almost every single day. 

These kids reminded me what playing outside all summer is magical

I took my own style to the golf course

I bought a new Garmin that is 100 times smarter than I am 

All the cousins went up to Park City for a week 

And they were stoked to say the least

I taught Kylie the secret to life is to drink A LOT of Diet Coke

We got 6th row tickets at Kelly Clarkson

I developed a sock addiction

Kylie started walking...and Charlee started posing and smiling for pictures

I started Trail Running again

And it was the best way to restore my broken spirit 

I reconnected with FTR and ran at Recovery Day with my Hero and Sober Sister Rachel

The girls decided going to the Toy Store on our Date Nights is now a regular tradition (so much better than going to Chuck E Cheese)

And we tried to all smile for a picture...

But most pictures turned out goofy

I played in the freezing cold Women's Realtor Golf Tournament on team Stewart Title 

Dave and I went to DC because I signed up for a Half Marathon solely to have a reason to eat at Good Stuff and have this iconic Roasted Marshmallow Shake

When you're at the Capitol, it's only cool to be super cheesy and wear patriotic gear around.

Of course we did all of the cool tourist things that I have probably done 25 times now

I ran a half marathon without training and got the running bug again. My goal is to run my Half Marathon Personal Record in September of 2016

Being addicted to running is much better than being addicted to drugs. 

We enjoyed summer nights in the backyard

These two became very best buds

My new baby niece Charlotte was born

Four months of golfing paid off with 3 drives straight onto the green at Sleepy Ridge

And, the summer has officially come to an end. 

It was a great summer. A summer for the books. I feel healthy. I feel happy. I feel strong. I feel connected. I feel like after 10 long years of fighting so many demons, depression, anxiety, etc...I am finally content and happy with who I am and where my life is going. It feels amazing!


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